Andrew Largeman: My mom just died. God, it's weird to say it out loud, but... my mom just died.
Sam: This is the point in the conversation where you offer me a ride home.
Andrew Largeman: It is?
Sam: Yeah.
Andrew Largeman: Would you like a ride home?
Sam: ...Fine. But I'm not riding in that sidecar.
Andrew Largeman: Why not?
Sam: Sidecars are for bitches. Anyone who rides in one is automatically your bitch. Thus I will ride on the back.
Andrew Largeman: It's amazing how much of my life has been determined by a quarter inch piece of plastic.
Mark: I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better.
Andrew Largeman: That actually made me sadder than anything: the fact that I felt so numb.
Andrew Largeman: You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for one reason or another. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was like snot running down my nose. And she offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose into it. And I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, this is love... this is love.
Sam: That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
Dr. Cohen: You know, our bodies are capable of doing some very funny things when they're consumed by stress and anxiety. Uh, I found my ex-best friend's cufflinks in my wife's purse. I couldn't get an erection for a year and a half. For example.
Andrew Largeman: Wow. Um, but I don't really think that's it.
Mark: Silent velcro. You lucky mother fucker.
Andrew Largeman: I feel like if I would shown up at school and presented the idea of silent velcro they would have sent me away a whole lot sooner.
Sam: Why did they send you away?
Jesse: Ooh, listen to this girl.
Andrew Largeman: They didn't send me away.
Mark: You just said they sent you away.
Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert.
Albert: Yeah?
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too.
Karl Benson: Hey man, I thought you killed yourself.
Andrew Largeman: What?
Karl Benson: I thought you killed yourself. That wasn't you?
Andrew Largeman: No, no, tha-that wasn't me.
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: I made you something. It's a shirt.
Andrew Largeman: Thats... That's good, thank you.
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Will you try it on now?
Andrew Largeman: Now?
Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Well, in case I have to fix it before you leave again and we don't see you for another nine years. I wanna make sure it fits.
Gideon Largeman: Saying goodbye is important. I'm glad you could fit it in.
Mark: So this is it.
Andrew Largeman: So knock... knock and barter for Desert Storm trading cards.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.
Sam: This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.
Andrew Largeman: Who are you?
Sam: I'm your new friend Sam. Tissue?
Mark: We'll probably head over there right after we bury your mom.
Sam: I haven't even lied in like two days.
Andrew Largeman: Is that true?
Sam: No.
Sam: OK, so... so... sometimes I lie. I mean, I'm weird, man. About random stuff too, I don't even know why I do it. It's like... it's like a tick, I mean sometimes I hear myself say something and think, Wow, that wasn't even remotely true.
Andrew Largeman: You changed my life. You changed my life, and I've known you four days. This is the start of something really big, but right now, I gotta go.
