Quotes from Woody Allen movies and TV shows - page 5 of 8

Larry Lipton: My favorite thing in life is, you know, to look at cancelled postage.

Larry Lipton: Meanwhile, I can't get that Flying Dutchman theme out of my head. Remind me tomorrow to buy up all the Wagner records in town and rent a chainsaw.

Larry Lipton: I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding... Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?

Larry Lipton: New York is the city that never sleeps! That's why we don't live in Duluth. That, plus I don't even know where Duluth is. Lucky me.

Larry Lipton: Here, taste my tuna casserole and tell if I put in too much hot fudge.

Larry Lipton: I like a hotel with lots of blue powder sprinkled along the base boards.

Larry Lipton: I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Carol Lipton: You know I've never seen a dead body before.
Larry Lipton: I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.

Larry Lipton: I'm a world renowned claustrophobic.

Larry Lipton: I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're dead you don't suddenly turn up in the New York City Transit System.

Carol Lipton: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I.
Larry Lipton: You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.

Larry Lipton: This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps.
Ted: I can see that, depending on who's on the stamp.

Larry Lipton: Ted has a mind like a steel sieve.

Paul House: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?
Lillian House: We already own twin cemetery plots.
Larry Lipton: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.
Carol Lipton: Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.
Larry Lipton: Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.

Larry Lipton: I was in a deep sleep - I was dreaming of round card girls.

Carol Lipton: Did you see this? This man in Missouri killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them.
Larry Lipton: Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.

Ariel: He taught me a lot.
Andrew: Like what?
Ariel: Like how to listen to Mozart.
Andrew: With your ears, right?

Andrew: Dulcy's cute, Maxwell. What is she? Twelve years old? Thirteen? What?
Maxwell: She's twice that, Andrew! She's very experienced. She couldn't keep her hands off me on the way up here.
Andrew: Oh, Jesus, when are you gonna grow up? You're like one of those creatures in Greek mythology who's half-goat.
Maxwell: You only live once, Andrew, you know that.

Andrew: He's a wonderful guy and a terrific doctor. Never lost a patient. Got a couple of them pregnant, but never lost one.

Maxwell: I'm a doctor and I believe in the spirit world.
Andrew: Oh, you have to, Maxwell, that's where all your patients end up.