Quotes from Walter Matthau movies and TV shows

Coach Morris Buttermaker: What if he tries something?
Amanda Whurlitzer: I'll handle it.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Rolling Stones, 11 years old.
Amanda Whurlitzer: I know an 11-year-old girl who is already on the pill.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: Don't ever say that word again.
Amanda Whurlitzer: Jesus! Just who in the heck you think you are?
Coach Morris Buttermaker: The goddamned manager, that's who.
Amanda Whurlitzer: Big wow.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now, guys, somebody's gonna pay for this windshield. And I think, Engelberg, it's gonna be your father.
Engelberg: Bullshit.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: Listen, Lupus, you didn't come into this life just to sit around on a dugout bench, did ya? Now get your ass out there and do the best you can.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.

Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.

Amanda Whurlitzer: Hey, Buttermaker! Maybe next spring you'll teach me how to hit.
Coach Morris Buttermaker: You bet.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: First base, second base, third base, home.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: This quitting thing, it's a hard habit to break once you start.

Coach Morris Buttermaker: All I know is when we win a game, it's a team win. When we lose a game, it's a team loss.

Dr. Julian Winston: Now if I hear that you've been bothering Stephanie again, I'll knock all your teeth out.
Harvey Greenfield: You'll just have to put them back in again.

Dr. Julian Winston: I must say, it's grotesque. A woman your age, throwing yourself at a kid like that.
Stephanie: And what about that eh, father-daughter thing of yours, if you don't think that's ridiculous.
Dr. Julian Winston: Well, it's different for a man. If a man is with a younger woman it looks entirely appropriate, but when it's the other way around, it's disg.
Stephanie: Well, you go to your church and I'll go to mine.

Dr. Julian Winston: What did she say?
Toni Simmons: It's not what she said, it's what she didn't say.
Dr. Julian Winston: Tell me what she didn't say, word for word.

Stephanie: I was married, when I was young.
Dr. Julian Winston: Married? I had no idea.
Stephanie: Neither did he.

Dr. Julian Winston: Hey, did you see that? He just kissed her on the neck.
Toni Simmons: Hmph! She sure likes a lot of action.
Dr. Julian Winston: Yes, she does, doesn't she.
Toni Simmons: Right now, she's surrounded by her husband, her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend and maybe her future boyfriend.
Dr. Julian Winston: If somebody doesn't stop that guy, he's gonna make love to her right in the middle of the floor.

Dr. Julian Winston: Where were you all night?
Stephanie: It's all a blur, a beautiful blurry blur.

Charley Varrick: It has to do with this bag of money I'd like to give back to you.
Maynard Boyle: So give it back. What's the problem?
Charley Varrick: The problem is the big gorilla in the maroon car who's trying to kill me.

Charley Varrick: I like your bed. You may find this hard to believe but I've never slept on a round bed.
Sybil Fort: Is that so?
Charley Varrick: What's the best way? North, south, east, or west?
Sybil Fort: That depends on what you had in mind.
Charley Varrick: What I had in mind was boxing the compass.

Captain Morton: I don't want a crew of whining sissies with table manners. I want MEN.
Doc: You've GOT men! That's your problem! If we were in combat it would be different. These men left their homes to fight, but they never got into the war! They're in limbo, Captain, trapped between heaven and hell on a floating 10-cent store.
Captain Morton: You "college" officers make me puke.

Walter Burns: Get yer head back in there, you God Damned turtle.

Max Goldman: If my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.