Quotes from Owen Wilson movies and TV shows - page 3 of 6

Francis: He has this disease where his head is shaved except he doesn't have to shave it because he can't grow any hair in the first place. Don't talk about it around him though. It might offend him.

Peter: You know, maybe right before whenever you're about to take out your tooth, you should say something like, "Please forgive this." Because, actually, it's kind of.
Francis: Can you back away a little? You just spit in my eye.

Francis: Any questions?
Peter: I have one. What happened to your face?

Jack: You wanna read a short story I wrote in France?
Francis: How long is it?
Jack: What?
Francis: How long is it?
Jack: How long is it? Never mind. Forget it.

Francis: Let's take a look at the itinerary.
Peter: Fuck the itinerary.

Francis: Ok. Let's check the next itinerary.
Peter: Fuck the itinerary.

Peter: I can't believe you just said that.
Francis: Why not? It's the truth.
Jack: He didn't really mean it.
Alice: I think you're all equally grief-stricken. Let's just leave it at that.

Drillbit Taylor: I'm Drillbit Taylor... US Army ranger, black-ops operative, decorated marksman, improvised weapons expert.
Wade: Are you still in the military?
Drillbit Taylor: I was discharged - unauthorized heroism.

Lisa: OK, then this is what I need, if in the middle of the night I start crying, shaking or getting enormously upset I don't want you to ask me what's wrong, I just want you to ignore it. Is that OK with you?
Matty: Actually that's my preference.

Lisa: George, this is my boyfriend Matty.
George: Nice to meet you.
Matty: Who is he?
Lisa: You didn't even say hello.
Matty: Yeah, I think you ought to check with me before you invite some guy over, so I'm a little bit too pissed off to say hello.

Matty: Let me ask you something, how do you know when you're in love?
Bullpen Pitcher: Well.
Matty: What?
Bullpen Pitcher: I've got a way, whenever this one thing happens I know I'm done. I will tell you but its personal and I don't want anybody making fun of me for it.
Matty: No, no-ones going to... just go.
Bullpen Pitcher: I think I'm in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls, OK?
Matty: Holy shit I'm in love.

Neha: I've only read about this stuff, okay? Craigslist casual encounters, Twilight fanfiction, hentai.
Nick Campbell: What's hentai?
Neha: Japanese comic books where the women get penetrated by octopus tentacles.

Nick Campbell: For whatever it's worth, your imagination is so wild, reality's gonna be a breeze, if not a letdown.

Billy McMahon: Nick? Would I be wrong to call you my brother?
Nick Campbell: Of course not, I'd do anything for my little show pony. Look at me, anything.
Billy McMahon: I need you to ice my balls for me.

Nick Campbell: Geez, Yo-Yo, did you get beat up a lot in school?
Yo-Yo Santos: I was homeschooled by my mom.
Billy McMahon: Did you get beat up a lot in homeschool?

Nick Campbell: Wh-Why did you bring me over to introduce me to this guy? It's like he was your best friend. You introduced me to Hitler.

Jeanie: Let me call Kevin.
Nick Campbell: Jeanie... I'm sure your boyfriend's a great guy, but I'm not ready to work for someone who spent all of last Thanksgiving explaining the meaning of his tattoo.

Dana: Are you talking about regret?
Nick Campbell: Well, I don't want to add not asking you out to that list, because the credit card is maxed out.
Dana: Okay, so, let me establish, you are in fact asking me out on a date?
Nick Campbell: Yes. And I figure I'm such a mountain of mistakes that going out with me just once this evening will be like packing 10 years of bad experience into, ya know, one night.

Nick Campbell: Why not use emacs rather than vi as the default editor for Ubuntu?

Stuart: Quick interjection: When you keep saying 'on the line, ' you do mean online?
Nick Campbell: Stuart. Don't do that. You don't do that to a man. He's got a million-dollar idea right here.
Stuart: A billion-dollar idea?
Nick Campbell: Even better. Let him flow.