Quotes from Mike Myers movies and TV shows - page 3 of 5

Guru Pitka: They can say bad thing about you but you must never say bad things about yourself.

Guru Pitka: Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.

Guru Pitka: Tonawanda street? I know this street.
Darren Roanoke: You do?
Guru Pitka: Yes. At what number did you live?
Darren Roanoke: Fifty-three.
Guru Pitka: Did you know a Dickie Withers at 85?
Darren Roanoke: No?
Guru Pitka: Well, it does. A dickie does wither at 85. I own you! Yeah! You are laughing! You see, you are filled with joy of a child.

Fiona: Wait! Where are you going? The exit's over there.
Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass.
Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek: One of a kind.

Shrek: Who sent you here?
Little pig: Lord Farquad did. He huffed and he puffed and he... Signed an eviction notice.

Ssiscool ★

Shrek: Ogres are like... Onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes-No.
Donkey: They make you cry?
Shrek: Nooo!
Donkey: Oh, you put them out in the sun, they turn brown, start sprouting little hairs.
Shrek: Noooooooo!

Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Princess Fiona: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.

Donkey: You, uh... You don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, me too. That's another thing we have in common. I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence... [big awkward silence.].

Donkey: Can I stay with you?
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Can I stay with you. Please?
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.

Shrek: Donkey! Two things, OK? Shut. Up.

[Donkey, Shrek, and Puss in Boots have just been arrested.]
Donkey: What about my rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I had to remain silent!
Shrek: Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Are we there yet?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: NO.

Shrek: Do you still know the muffin man?
Gingy: Sure, he lives down on Drury Lane. Why?
Shrek: Because we're gonna need flour... Lots and lots of flour.

Donkey: Mother?
[Fairy Godmother looks Shrek and Donkey].
Shrek: Uh, Mary, a talking horse!

zenee

Shrek: Quick! Tell a lie!
Pinocchio: Uh, what should I say?
Gingy: Anything, but quick!
Donkey: Say something crazy, like, I'm wearing ladies' underwear.
Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies' underwear.
[Nose doesn't grow].
Shrek: [Laughs] Are you?
Pinocchio: I most certainly am not.
[Nose grows].
Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are.
Pinocchio: Am not.
[Nose grows].
Puss in Boots: What kind?
Gingy: It's a thong!
Pinocchio: They're briefs!
Gingy: Are not!
Pinocchio: Are too!
Gingy: Are not!
Pinocchio: Are too!
[Nose continues to grow].

zenee

Shrek: Fiona, try to be reasonable. Have you seen a baby lately? All they do is eat and poop, and then they cry, and they cry when they poop, and poop when they cry. Now imagine an ogre baby. They extra cry, and they extra poop.

Artie: And so, people, I hope you enjoy your stay in prison, while I rule the free world, baby.
Shrek: All right, don't overdo it.
Artie: I'm building my city, people, on rock 'n' roll.
Shrek: You just overdid it.

Shrek: That's right, I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys at whatever it is they are doing.

Shrek: If Artie trusts him, I trust him, even if his cloak doesn't completely cover his.

Donkey: They grow up so fast.
Shrek: Not fast enough.