Quotes from Michael Caine movies and TV shows

Alfie: I don't want no bird's respect - I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Alfie: I've told you before to be careful where you put your legs.

Alfie: What I loved once and what I love now are two different things.

Alfie: You're not entitled to secret thoughts.
Annie: Everyone's entitled to secret thoughts.

Alfie: If you lose a bird you can always replace her. But with a child it's different.

Alfie: I've never told her that I love her - except at those times when you've got to say something for appearance's sake.

Alfie: My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know.

Nigel Powers: There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

Austin Powers: What's wrong with your neck?
Nigel Powers: I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours.

Austin Powers: Your spy car's a Mini?
Nigel Powers: It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

Alfred: Why bats, Master Wayne?
Bruce Wayne: Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread.

[Bruce Wayne is trapped under a burning beam.]
Alfred: What is the point of all those pushups if you can't even lift a bloody log!?

Alfred: You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident.

Alfred: Time to get up.
Bruce Wayne: Bats are nocturnal.
Alfred: That may be, but even for billionaire playboys,3:00 is pushing it.

Alfred: Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Squadron Leader Canfield: The engine's overheating, and so am I! Either we stand down, or blow up! Now which do you want?

Isabel Bigelow: Your life is total instant gratification, Daddy.
Nigel Bigelow: It's fantastic, isn't it?
Isabel Bigelow: No. No, it's not. Because how do you know that anyone really loves you for yourself? It's like those rich men who are never sure why women sleep with them.
Nigel Bigelow: But women sleep with them, so it's not really a problem.

Captain Mike Turner: In times of real trouble, the one thing man can depend on is the sympathy of the bank.

Celeste Whitman: Are you going to kiss me now?
Captain Mike Turner: No.
Celeste Whitman: Well then let's get the hell out of here.

Matthew Hollis: Last night never happened.
Jennifer Lyons: I know. I was there when it didn't.