Quotes from Michael Caine movies and TV shows - page 5 of 8

Billy Fish: He wants to know if you are gods.
Peachy Carnehan: Not gods - Englishmen. The next best thing.

Peachy Carnehan: Now, the problem is, how to divide five Afghans from three mules and have two Englishmen left over.

District Commissioner: The may be no criminal charges against you, but I'll see these files reach Calcutta with a recommendation that you be deported as political undesirables, detriments to the dignity of the Empire and the Izzat of the Raj.
Peachy Carnehan: Detriments you call us? Detriments? Well I want to remind you it was "detriments" like us that built this bloody Empire and the Izzat of the bloody Raj, 'ats on.

Peachy Carnehan: Danny's only a man. But he break wind at both ends simultaneous - which is more, I reckon, than any god can do.

Peachy Carnehan: It took him half an hour to fall.

Peachy Carnehan: They're savages here, one and all. Leave 'em to go back to slaughterin' babes, and playin' stickball with each other's heads, and pissin' on their neighbors.

Daniel Dravot: Peachy, I'm heartily ashamed for gettin' you killed instead of going home rich like you deserved to, on account of me bein' so bleedin' high and bloody mighty. Can you forgive me?
Peachy Carnehan: That I can and that I do, Danny, free and full and without let or hindrance.
Daniel Dravot: Everything's all right then.

Victor Melling: There are no words.

Victor Melling: In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun.
Gracie Hart: Oh, I have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?
Victor Melling: Ah! That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me.
Gracie Hart: You know what? I don't have relationships because I don't want them, an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7. And you have no idea why I am the way that I am.

Victor Melling: He's with me.
Eric Matthews: I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like.
Victor Melling: Come on, muffin.

Victor Melling: Ten out of eleven years my girls were crowned. The year we lost, the winner was a deaf-mute. You can't beat that.

Victor Melling: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.

Gracie Hart: Ok, with all due respect here, why did Miss Morningside suggest you?
Victor Melling: Because I am the best... they had their Southern belles, their Midwestern farmers' daughters, spunky western cowgirls, and I have... dirty Harriet.

Gracie Hart: There's something I can do for the talent, that I know how to do it since high school.
Victor Melling: You will not be having sex on this stage.
Gracie Hart: I didn't know that was an option, all right? All I have to do is call room service.

Victor Melling: I haven't seen a walk like that since "Jurassic Park".

Victor Melling: By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?
Gracie Hart: I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda.

Victor Melling: I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap.

Victor Melling: Don't pick your feet up. Why are you picking your feet up?
Gracie Hart: Because I'm preparing to run away.

Victor Melling: I knew I'd never get you here, unless you had the chance to shoot someone.

Victor Melling: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
Gracie Hart: What's the other 70 percent, cleavage?