Warehouse worker: You got some kind of warrant for this?
Axel: You know, you have a very big mouth, sir! Are you hiding something from me? Is that what you're doing? I bet that's your Porsche that's parked outside, isn't it? Is that your Porsche? Is it? How would you like for me to have the IRS come down and crawl up your fucking ass with a microscope? Cause, they'll do it! I've seen them do it! It's not a pretty sight!
Axel Foley: [In the backseat of the BHPD police car after being arrested] You know, this is the cleanest and nicest police car I've been in, in my entire life. This thing is nicer than my apartment. Officers, if we see any, like um, movie stars, could you all stop and point them out to me? I never seen no shit like that.
Officer: That's enough talking, pal.
Axel: OK, that's cool.
Axel Foley: Boss. Chief ain't chewed it all. You still got some ass.
Axel Foley: Way to go, Rosewood. You're some kind of cop, you know that?
Axel Foley: I ain't doing nothing in front of this dude, 'cause this dude is a cop! I know when I can smell a pig inside a room. I used to be a Muslim, man, and I know there's pork over here!
Axel Foley: Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets and it's your car, so we have to take you in.
Sidney Bernstein: Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have, in this office, that I could hand to you and that would, make you...kinda forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?
Axel: What are you trying to say, sir?
Sidney: Like, you'd be holding something in that hand, and this hand you'd forget about. This hand you'd be concentrating on. That hand you'd go, what, what did I have there? I don't even remember.
Axel: What, you mean, like, if I had um... $200 in this hand?
Sidney: Ouch! Let go of my arm. $200? Ouch! Please, I'm robbing you. That's what I'm doing. Here's one, here's two. They're real crisp.
Billy Rosewood: How'd it go?
Axel Foley: What would you guys say if I told you there was a six-foot blonde working here?
Billy: Witnesses reported a six-foot blonde at the Adriano's robbery.
John Taggart: Axel, this isn't Detroit you know. Six-foot blonde women grow on trees in California.
Billy: He's right. They're everywhere.
Axel Foley: You just hit a squad car!
Rosewood: I know, I know, it's OK, I know the guy. He's a jerk!
Jiff Ramsey: Oh, gosh, I'm really hoping to get a career running errands. That'd be a major boost for me.
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Prince Akeem: Fascinating! Semmi, look at this! America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.
Prince Akeem: When I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am, not because of what I am.
King Jaffe Joffer: And who are you?
Prince Akeem: I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before.
King Jaffe Joffer: Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. Believe me. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience.
Prince Akeem: Is it just me, or does every woman in Queens have a severe emotional problem?
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
Clarence: I met Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. one time.
Sweets: Man, you lyin'. You ain't never met no Martin Luther the King.
Clarence: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who's next?
Prince Akeem: But how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?
Lisa McDowell: So why did you come here?
Prince Akeem: To find something special.
Lisa McDowell: It's a long way to travel.
Prince Akeem: No journey is too great when one finds what he seeks.
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times must and always do change, my friend.
Saul: A man has the right to change his name to vatever he vants to change it to. And if a man vants to be called Muhammad Ali, godammit this is a free country, you should respect his vishes, and call the man Muhammad Ali.
Morris: His mamma call him Clay, imma call him Clay.
Saul: Then you're a putz. All of you are putzes. They should change the sign outside from My-T-Sharp to 'ze Three Putzes.
