Victor Maitland: Careful, old boy. You might hit me.
Police Chief Hubbard: What's this man doing here?
Axel Foley: Bleeding, sir.
Axel Foley: I haven't seen Jenny in years. What's she up to?
Mikey Tandino: Oh, she's doin' great. She's a manager of this art gallery. The Hollis Benton Art Gallery, up in Beverly Hills. It's like a world famous place, you know. You ever hear of it?
Axel Foley: Yeah, I buy all my art there.
Serge: Go and tell Miss Jenny Summers that Mr. Achmed Foley is here to see her.
Axel Foley: No, Axel Foley. Axel.
Serge: Acmel? Acwel?
Axel Foley: Axel.
Serge: Foley's here to see her.
Axel Foley: Is this your car?
Jenny Summers: Oh, no. In Beverly Hills we just take whichever car is closest.
Serge: I see you look at this piece.
Axel: Yeah, I was wondering how much something like this went for.
Serge: $130,000.
Axel: Get the fuck out of here!
Serge: No, I cannot! It's serious because it's very important piece.
Axel: Have you ever sold one of these?
Serge: Sold it yesterday to a collector.
Axel: Get the fuck out of here!
Serge: No, I'm serious. I sell it myself.
Axel: [Chuckles]
[Axel gets thrown out of the window and the police cruiser pulls up.]
Axel: You see that shit? I can describe all of them!
Jeffery: Todd's looking for you. He is really pissed. You know what he said? This is your worst fuck up ever. Personally, I don't think that's true.
Detective Rosewood: Wow. You know, it says here that by the time the average American is fifty, he's got five pounds of undigested red meat in his bowels.
Sergeant Taggart: Why are you telling me this? What makes you think I have any interest in that at all?
Detective Rosewood: Well, you eat a lot of red meat.
Axel Foley: Boss. Chief ain't chewed it all. You still got some ass.
Axel Foley: [In the backseat of the BHPD police car after being arrested] You know, this is the cleanest and nicest police car I've been in, in my entire life. This thing is nicer than my apartment. Officers, if we see any, like um, movie stars, could you all stop and point them out to me? I never seen no shit like that.
Officer: That's enough talking, pal.
Axel: OK, that's cool.
Warehouse worker: You got some kind of warrant for this?
Axel: You know, you have a very big mouth, sir! Are you hiding something from me? Is that what you're doing? I bet that's your Porsche that's parked outside, isn't it? Is that your Porsche? Is it? How would you like for me to have the IRS come down and crawl up your fucking ass with a microscope? Cause, they'll do it! I've seen them do it! It's not a pretty sight!
[Axel throws Zack over buffet table, but Maitland motions for him to do nothing].
Axel Foley: That's very good, Victor. Can you teach him to roll over and sit and do all that shit too?
Axel Foley: Gimme the key! I'm gonna follow 'em.
Jenny Summers: Have you ever driven a Mercedes before?
Axel Foley: No, but a car is a car. I drive my car every day.
Jenny Summers: I'm driving. I've seen your car.
Axel Foley: Oh, shit, that's cold.
Axel Foley: Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your dick gets hard. Your dick is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this. Taggart's dick is hard, but he won't let you know 'cause he's the boss. Boss' dick got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on duty so my dick can be hard.
Cigarette Buyer: You know, if you wanna be a fuckin asshole, you can take the whole load and smoke 'em yourself in the park.
Axel Foley: I don't smoke Lucky Strikes.
Cigarette Buyer: I got people I gotta answer to.
Axel Foley: I smoke King-Sized Kents.
Axel Foley: Coffee grounds.
Jenny Summers: So?
Axel Foley: You know what this stuff is used for?
Jenny Summers: Yeah, some people filter hot water through it and drink it.
Axel Foley: Yeah, I'm gonna take this home and filter hot water through it and drink it in the morning.
Police Chief Hubbard: You expect me to believe that report?
Lieutenant Bogomil: That's the report I'm filing, sir.
Victor Maitland: Now listen to me, my tough little friend. I don't know from under what stone you crawled, or where you get these ridiculous ideas about me, but it seems painfully obvious you haven't the slightest fucking idea who you're dealing with. Now, my advice to you is crawl back to your little stone in Detroit before you get squashed.
Axel Foley: I never been in no cell that had a phone in it. Can I stay for a while, 'cause I ordered some pizza.
Answer: Axel gets knocked out by one of the thugs as soon as he opens the door. His boss later make mention of the fact that he's lucky he didn't get killed too. They probably spared him because he didn't see who hit him and therefore could not tell anyone what they looked like.
XIII