Quotes from Diane Keaton movies and TV shows - page 2 of 4

Matty Banks: I'm, 4-foot 6, I don't shave, I don't have a job, and I'm gonna be an uncle. Is there something weird about that?
George Banks: Finally, someone who thinks like I do.
Nina Banks: Oh, yeah, a 12 year old.

Bridget Cardigan: We'll think outside the box.
Don Cardigan: Well that's good because we're selling the box and moving into a smaller box.

Molly: That could be your savings account.
Bridget Cardigan: I don't think so, it has money in it.

Counselor: People your age in the work force are usually considered real pains in the ass.
Bridget Cardigan: Are you aware that statement is discriminatory and illegal?
Counselor: See! And you don't even work for me.

Bridget Cardigan: Are you watching when everybody goes everywhere? I really hope so because maybe you can tell me why they can't use the facility in such a way as to keep everything in the facility.

Nina Brewster: I don't want things I can't have.
Bridget Cardigan: Do you live in America?

Bridget Cardigan: We can't turn ourselves in, if we do, Nina loses her kids.

Paul House: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?
Lillian House: We already own twin cemetery plots.
Larry Lipton: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.
Carol Lipton: Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.
Larry Lipton: Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.

Carol Lipton: Look at you, you're all white.
Larry Lipton: All the blood rushed to my brother.

Carol Lipton: You know I've never seen a dead body before.
Larry Lipton: I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.

Carol Lipton: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I.
Larry Lipton: You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.

Carol Lipton: Did you see this? This man in Missouri killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them.
Larry Lipton: Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.

Bessie: Goofy carried me to Mickey's house?

Bessie: I wish we could get along.
Lee: We do get along.
Bessie: No I know but I mean really get along and be polite with one another.
Lee: We're Sisters.

Bessie: Dad's dying. He's been doing it for about twenty years so I don't miss anything.

Hank: There's this one dude on my floor, held a razor blade under his tongue for like 5 hours. He talked to the orderlies, he ate, everything.
Bessie: Well, why on earth did he do that?
Hank: He was trying to break my record.

Dr. Wally: Okay, Augustina... Is it okay if I call you Augustina?
Bessie: Well, my name is Bessie.

Bessie: We're all really glad you're here.
Hank: Yeah we should do it again in like another 17 years.

Linda: My God! Can't you cook anything but TV dinners?
Allan: Who bothers to cook them? I suck 'em frozen.

Linda: Why is it always so complicated?