Quotes from Diane Keaton movies and TV shows - page 3 of 4

Allan: Here, I got you a present because it's your birthday.
Linda: How'd you know?
Allan: Well, you mentioned the date and I remembered because it's the same day my mother had her hysterectomy.

Linda: Maybe if you just leaned across the candlelight and kissed her.
Allan: I tried, she used to say, "Christ, not here, everybody's staring."

Linda: Allan, do you realise what a wonderful thing has happened? Allan the most beautiful thing in the world has happened right under our very own noses. We've had a wonderful experience. Doesn't that surprise you? You didn't have to do anything. You didn't have to leave any half open books lying around. You didn't have to have on the proper mood music. Why, I even saw you in your underwear with the days of the week written on them.

Allan: I've got a big decision to make, do I go with Oscar Peterson or Bartók String Quartet No. 5?
Linda: Why don't you play Oscar Peterson and leave Bartók out so everybody can see it.

Dick: You know any other girls?
Linda: I don't know if any of my friends are his type. I mean, most of the girls I know are fairly normal.

Allan: Yeah, I get that.
Linda: What is it, fear or anxiety?
Allan: Homosexual panic.

Linda: Why is it always so complicated?

Linda: My God! Can't you cook anything but TV dinners?
Allan: Who bothers to cook them? I suck 'em frozen.

Linda: What were you thinking about the whole time we were making love?
Allan: Willie Mays.
Linda: Do you always think about baseball players?
Allan: It keeps me going.
Linda: Yeah, I wondered why you kept yelling "slide."

Louise Bryant: Would you rather I not smoke during rehearsal?
Eugene O'Neill: I'd rather you went up in flames than crush out your cigarette during a monologue about birth.

Louise Bryant: What as?
John Reed: Well, it's almost Thanksgiving. You could go as a turkey.

Harry Sanborn: Some people consider rap poetry.
Erica Barry: C'mon, how many words can you rhyme with bitch?

Harry: I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.
Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?

Julian Mercer: You really are a very sexy woman.
Erica Barry: No, really, swear to God, I'm not.

Marin: Harry was once engaged to Diane Sawyer.
Zoe: Diane Sawyer? No way, I love her.
Erica Barry: That's wonderful.
Harry: Women your age love that about me.
Erica Barry: Ah.
Harry: No, that's a good thing.
Erica Barry: I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.
Harry: Yes, it was meant as a compliment.

Harry Sanborn: I can't get past your damn turtleneck.
Erica Barry: Cut it off.

Erica Barry: I DO like sex.
Harry Sanborn: You certainly do.

Harry: What's with the turtlenecks? It's the middle of summer.
Erica Barry: Honestly what do you care what I wear?
Harry: Just curious.
Erica Barry: I like them I've always liked them and I am just a turtleneck kind of gal.
Harry: You never get hot?
Erica Barry: No.
Harry: Never?
Erica Barry: Not Lately.

Erica Barry: Wait. You're leaving, Zoe's leaving, the entourage is leaving. You mean I'm going to be alone in this house... with HIM?
Marin: Well, the hospital's sending over a nurse first thing in the morning.
Erica Barry: In the morning? That's like nineteen hours from now.

Harry: I'm dating your daughter, Marin. She invited me here for the weekend. She is in her room right now changing.
Erica Barry: Aah! You're dating my daughter?
Harry: Now who would have thought that would be worst news?