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Officer of the Day - S3-E3

Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got into this war, I had a very clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns.
Frank: Humpf!
Hawkeye: I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune...I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, Carry Me Back to Old Virginny. I'll even Hari Kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

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Nada: Brother, life's a bitch...and she's back in heat.

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Nada: I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.

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Casanova Klink - S3-E6

Schultz: They DID blow up the ammo supply!
Le Beau: No kidding!
Schultz: You all knew it, before it even happened. How? H-how did you know it?
Hogan: Schultz, we know nothing, we see nothing, we say nothing!
Schultz: We know nothing, we see nothing, we say nothing. Very good! I'll have to remember that.

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Picard: Look! The control pad. It's still on the other side.
Kirk: I'll get it. You go for the launcher.
Picard: No...you'll never make that by yourself. We have to work together.
Kirk: We ARE working together. Trust me. Go!
Picard: Good luck, Captain!
Kirk: Call me Jim.

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Never Play Cards with Strangers - S4-E7

Hogan: You wanted to see me, Commandant?
Klink: Yes, I do. Hogan, one of the most important men in Germany today is visiting Stalag 13.
Hogan: [Looking at Hitler's picture] Old Bubble head's coming here?

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Get Fit or Go Fight - S5-E16

Hogan: [To Schultz about the Medical officer] Schultz, I want you to stall him for three minutes, then the Kommandant can see him.
Schultz: But why?
Hogan: We're trying to save Klink from the Russian Front. And if we save him...
Schultz: He will save me!
Hogan: Right. Now get going, raus, raus!
Schultz: Ja Wohl, herr Kommandant! I mean, Colonel! Oh, I don't know what this war would be without him.

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Fat Hermann, Go Home - S5-E17

Marya: Drink, Schultz?
Schultz: I'm on duty.
Marya: So?
Schultz: So, I have a small one.

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The Antique - S5-E12

Hogan: Would you want me to strip, Schultz? I may be carrying a Luger in my shorts!
Schultz: Jolly joker.

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Winifred: You know, I've always wanted a child. And now, I think I'll have one...[screaming] ON TOAST!

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Winifred: I'll have your guts for garters, girl.

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Picard: Space...the final frontier. These are the continuing voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission, to seek out new life forms, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before.

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Hold That Tiger - S1-E2

Schultz: [To Hogan about Newkirk in a Gestapo uniform] I must report this. It would be worth my life if I do not report this.
Hogan: It's only until tomorrow. He's gonna take it off again.
Schultz: Aahhh.
Hogan: After he steals the tank...
Schultz: Ohh?
Hogan: from the Panzer division...
Schultz: Ohhh?
Hogan: and brings it here into the barracks.
Schultz: Oh, I see nothing, I was not even here, I did not even get up this morning.

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Operation -- Annihilate! - S1-E30

Dr. McCoy: [In an aside to Kirk] Please don't tell Spock I said he was the best first officer in the fleet.
Spock: Why, thank you, Doctor McCoy.
Capt. Kirk: You were so concerned about his Vulcan eyes, Doctor, you forgot about his Vulcan ears.

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Journey to Babel - S2-E10

Dr. McCoy: Spock, I've always suspected that you were a little more human than you let on. Mrs. Sarek, I know about the rigorous training of the Vulcan youth, but tell me, did he ever run and play like the human children, even in secret?
Amanda: Well, he, uh...he did have a pet Sehlat he was very fond of.
Dr. McCoy: Sehlat?
Amanda: It's sort of a...a fat Teddy bear.
Dr. McCoy: [Amused] A Teddy bear? [Sarek comes and takes Amanda away.] A Teddy bear [to Kirk].
Spock: Not precisely, Doctor. On Vulcan, the Teddy bears are alive...and have six inch fangs.

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Encounter at Farpoint (1) - S1-E1

McCoy: How old do you think I am anyway?
Data: 137 years, Admiral, according to Starfleet records.
McCoy: Explain how you remember that so exactly.
Data: I remember every fact I'm exposed to.
McCoy [looking at Data's ears.]: I don't see no points on your ears, boy, but you sound like a Vulcan.
Data: No, sir. I'm an android.
McCoy: Hmm...almost as bad.

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Border Guard: Who are you? Really?
K: Really? I am just a figment of your imagination. [Triggers the Neuralyzer.] God, what a gullible breed.

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Border Officer: Sir! Sir, you can't just...
K: Don't 'sir' me, young man. You have no idea who you're dealing with.

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A Piece of the Action - S2-E17

Spock:Young man, this is likely to be quite hazardous. If I were you...
Kirk: Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouths of babes...
Kid: Who ya callin' a babe?
Kirk: I'm callin' you a babe.
Kid: You callin' me a babe?
Kirk: Yeah, I'm callin'... [Kid brandishes a knife, Kirk continues.] I'm callin' you a babe, but there's nothing personal. Sit down.

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Max: We'll go on the count of three.
Max and Pig Killer together: One...
[Max yanks the door open.]
Pig Killer: What happened to two?

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