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Deja Q - S3-E13

Guinan: I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.
Q: I like to think of it as a significant career change.
Guinan: Just 'one of the boys', eh?
Q: One of the boys with an I.Q. of two thousand and five.
Data: The Captain, and many of the crew, are not yet convinced he is truly human.
Guinan: Really? [Picks up a fork and stabs Q's hand.]
Q: AAARGH!
Guinan: Seems human enough to me.

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Scotty: USS Enterprise, shakedown cruise report. I think this new ship was put together by monkeys. Oh, she's got a fine engine, but half the doors won't open, and guess whose job it is to make it right?

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Sybok: Consider yourselves my prisoners.
Talbot: Prisoners? We're already prisoners here on this worthless lump of rock! What possible value could we be to you?
Sybok: Nimbus III may be a worthless lump of rock, but it DOES have one unique treasure. It's the only place in the entire galaxy that has the three of you.

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Dar: [after Korrd belches] I expect that's Klingon for 'Hello'.

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Kirk: "All I ask, is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by."
McCoy: Melville.
Spock: John Masefield.
McCoy: Are you sure about that?
Spock: I am well-versed in the classics, Doctor.
McCoy: Then how come you don't know "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"?

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1st Pilot: [After Superman helps the plane] What the hell happened? Did we get our engine back? What the hell's going on out there?
2nd Pilot: Fly. Don't look, just...fly. We got...something. I ain't saying what it is. Just...trust me.

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Sticky Wicket - S1-E21

Hawkeye [to Frank]: You're inconsiderate, insulting with your nurses, bloody arrogant, demanding, distracting, and dumb!
Radar: Wow!
Hawkeye: And those are your good points.

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White Gold - S3-E23

Frank: Well, he, uh, ordered me to leave. He's a superior officer.
Henry: He's a superior psycho. His head's so twisted, he's gotta screw his cap on.

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Private Charles Lamb - S3-E14

Frank: What kind of a jackass do you think I am?
Radar: Oh, you'd know that better than me, sir.

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Herman Picks a Winner - S2-E16

Herman: After I'm through with you, you're never going to gamble again as long as you live.
Eddie: How much do you wanna bet?
Herman: I'll bet you a quarter, and I'll give you two to one!
Lily: HERMAN!

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Top Hat, White Tie and Bomb Sights - S1-E10

Burkhalter: Colonel, may I remind you, that we are here on official business?
Klink: Official business, yes. Monkey business, no!

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Kirk: Scotty, keep it together until I get back.
Scotty: I always do.

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Relics - S6-E4

Scotty: [to Holodeck Computer] The Enterprise. Show me the bridge of the Enterprise, ya chatterin' piece o'...
Computer: There have been five Federation vessels with that name. Please state by registry number.
Scotty: [slowly] N, C, C, 1, 7, 0, 1. No bloody A, B, C, or D.

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The Colonel's Horse - S5-E11

Radar: She knows you're leaving, sir. Look at her eyes.
Potter: Like Fay Wray.
Radar: I don't know her.
Potter: King King, this big monkey, carried her to the top of the Empire State Building.
Radar: Wow! I had heard there were some weirdos in New York.

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Mick: Begin satellite coding sequence. Load uplink code into transponder grid. Shunt power to main circuits. Mr. Spock, you have the conn.
Tech: Who's Mr. Spock?

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Amber: Jesus Christ!
Richards: Guess again.

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Agnes: Okay. I think the next kill will be made by...Ben Richards!
Killian: Hold it, hold it. Agnes, Richards is a runner. You gotta pick a stalker!
Agnes: I can pick anyone I choose. And I choose...Ben Richards. That boy's one mean mother fucker.

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Richards: No. I won't kill a helpless human being. Not even sadistic scum...like you.

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Amber: Where's Buzzsaw?
Richards: Oh, he had to split.

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House Arrest - S3-E18

Frank: [after Hawkeye hits him] Captain Pierce, I accuse you of striking a superior officer. A court-martial offense under the Articles of War. And I have two witnesses!
Trapper: [to Hawkeye] I didn't see anything, did you?
Hawkeye: My back was turned. [Drops towel in Frank's face.] BA-DUM-BUMP!
Trapper: Case dismissed.

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