The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Mac: Look, you want to know the secret to a happy marriage? Do what I do. Plaster on a fake smile, plow through the next half century, sit back, relax, and wait for the sweet embrace of death.

Doc: Now listen to me and listen to me good! When your wife, on her honeymoon, asks you to cock her, you cock her good, God damn it.

Martin: I smell something weird down here. Smells like ya'll been hitting the Devil's lettuce.

Eddie Cantrow: This is my dad.
Lila: Oh, hi Dad.
Doc: Nice to meet you, Lila.
Lila: How do you know my name?
Doc: Okay, cat's out of the bag. My son found your panties on the sidewalk and we've been talking about you all week. Eddie, give her back her undies.

Doc: Remember, this is the Bible Belt. These people have guns.