Lee: Gwen, your dog just swallowed your window washer.
Gwen: Puppy.
Lee: Puppy? It's a raptor.
Kiki: Time for Prozac. Excuse me.
Lee: She's on Prozac?
Kiki: If only. The dog.
Kiki: Nobody hates you.
Gwen: Oh yes, they do. I was in a store the other day, you know that great store on Melrose? And there was a baby in a stroller and he was looking up at me and he was judging me. The whole world is judging me for what I did to Eddie.
Kingman: All right, look... if you won't do it for me, do it for my father, okay? You guys worked together a long time. You had a real bond.
Lee: Your father was a psychotic.
Kingman: You spoke at his funeral.
Lee: I loved him. You I can't stand.
Lee: Why am I here? I'm just confused. I mean, after all, you did fire me last week, so why am I here?
Dave: I brought you here to see the new Hal Weidmann film.
Gwen: Everyone hates me, everyone wants a piece of me. My therapist is out of the country, I wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe this year! Leave me alone.
Dave: Remember the crazy guy in the woods?
Davis: Ted Kaczynski.
Dave: Who, the guy at Fox?
Lee: The Unabomber.
Dave: Yeah, the Unabomber. Okay? Remember how he lived in that little cabin?
Lee: So?
Dave: Hal Weidmann bought that cabin from the government and had it moved onto his property. That is where he edits his movies. That is his little, twisted, sicko office.
Narrator: Eddie Thomas and Gwen Harrison: America's Sweethearts.
Gwen: Just smile and shut up.
Hector: Can I just say something please? Excuse me. What was said about my penis on the screen... that is completely false. Completely! I am extremely well hung. I will submit to a physical inspection right now.
Eddie: This is Kishtonga Root.
Gwen: Kiki? What was that movie called?
Kiki: I don't give a shit.
Eddie: No, that wasn't it.
Hector: Who is this?
Lee: Hi, Hector, I'm Lee Phillips, press agent for "Time Over Time." Just in case you thought I was some guy coming to sweep her off her feet.
Hector: No, no. You're too old.
Gwen: Oh! Hector, honey, be good. I'm sorry, Lee, he's Spanish.
Lee: No problem. I was Spanish once myself.
Eddie: I blew it. I lost her.
Lee: Guy goes to his rabbi. He says, "I think my wife's trying to poison me." Rabbi says, "Let me talk to her." Comes back a little later and says, "Listen, I spoke to your wife for three hours. Take the poison." You get it? You and Gwen are over.
Eddie: I don't care about Gwen! I'm talking about Kiki.
Gwen: Your pillow's better than mine.
