Capt. Spaulding: Would you mind going out and crossing the boulevard when the lights are against you.
Capt. Spaulding: I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One woman and one man was good enough for your grandmother, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody, not even your grandfather. Think! Think of the honeymoon! Strictly private. I wouldn't let another woman in on this. Well, maybe one or two. But, no men! I may not go myself.
Ravelli: Well, I tell ya Capt., you see, my idea of a house is something nice and a small and comfortable.
Capt. Spaulding: That's the way I feel about it. I don't want anything elaborate. Just a little place that I can call home and tell the wife I won't be there for dinner.
Capt. Spaulding: I can't understand what's delaying that coffee pot.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Capt. Spaulding, the guest of honor, will have the green duplex with the two baths.
Hives: Two, madame?
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Why, yes! I think the Capt. Would like two baths, don't you?
Hives: Well, if he's just returned from Africa, he may need two baths.
Capt. Spaulding: I used to know a fellow who looked exactly like you by the name of Emanuel Ravelli. Are you his brother?
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: You're Emanuel Ravelli?
Ravelli: I am Emanuel Ravelli.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, no wonder you look like him. But I still insist there is a resemblance.
Ravelli: Heh, heh, he thinks I look alike.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, if you do, it's a tough break for both of you.
Mrs. Rittenhouse: Captain, this leaves me speechless.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, see that you remain that way.
Capt. Spaulding: A more dastardly crack I've ever heard! I wish I was back in the jungle where men are monkeys.
Capt. Spaulding: Play that song about the Irish chiropodist.
Ravelli: Irish chiropodist?
Capt. Spaulding: "My Fate Is In Your Hands."
Capt. Spaulding: Say, how long has this been going on? Let's change the subject. Take the foreign situation. Take Abyssinia. I'll tell you, you take Abyssinia and I'll take a hot butterscotch sundae on rye bread.
Capt. Spaulding: Do you mind if I don't smoke?
Capt. Spaulding: Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Capt. Spaulding: Living with your folks... living with your folks... the beginning of the end... drab, dead yesterdays shutting out beautiful tomorrows... hideous, stumbling footsteps creaking along the misty corridors of time... and in those corridors I see figures... straaange figures... weeeird figures: Steel 186, Anaconda 74, American Can 138.
Arabella Rittenhouse: Oh, Mr. Raviola.
Ravelli: Ravelli, Ravelli.
Arabella Rittenhouse: Oh, eh, Mr. Ravelli, I want you to do something for me.
Capt. Spaulding: Pardon me Mrs. Rittenhouse, did you lose a fish?
Capt. Spaulding: If I were a man, you'd resent that.
Ravelli: Well, look. All you gotta do is open the door, step outside and there you are.
Capt. Spaulding: There you are? There you are, where?
Ravelli: Outside.
Capt. Spaulding: Well, suppose you want to get back in again?
Ravelli: You had no right to go out.
Capt. Spaulding: Now, if we can find the left-handed person that painted this, we'll have "The Trial of Mary Dugan" with sound.
Ravelli: Well, I saw that.
Capt. Spaulding: I was outside the cabin smoking some meat. There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood.
Capt. Spaulding: Why, you've got beauty, charm, money! You have got money, haven't you? Because if you haven't, we can quit right now.
