Des McGrath: You know that Shakespearean admonition, "To thine own self be true"? It's premised on the idea that "thine own self" is something pretty good, being true to which is commendable. But what if "thine own self" is not so good? What if it's pretty bad? Would it be better, in that case, not to be true to thine own self?.. See, that's my situation.
Alice Kinnon: Do you really think we know each other well enough to move in together?
Charlotte Pingress: Well, maybe that's good.
Alice Kinnon: Its not just that we don't know each other well. I'm not even sure we really like each other.
Charlotte Pingress: That's okay. You know, Alice, I'm not so much of a bitch as I seem.
Charlotte Pingress: You're not fit to lick the boots of my real gay friends.
Des McGrath: Well, I don't want to lick the boots of your real gay friends.
Josh Neff: I don't think people really change that way. We can change our context, but, we can't change ourselves.
Alice Kinnon: We don't even have an apartment. How can we have a dinner party?
Charlotte Pingress: Well, its another incentive to get one.
Des McGrath: A gay mouth? I have a gay mouth? What does that mean?
Alice Kinnon: If when making love, the man... spurts... outside the woman, does that count as sexual intercourse?
Tom Platt: "Spurts"?
Alice Kinnon: If it... squirts outside, without getting in... does that count as losing your virginity?
Tom Platt: No part of the man got in at any time?
Alice Kinnon: I don't think so.
Tom Platt: I think part has to get in to be considered sexual intercourse.
Alice Kinnon: So then I was a virgin.
Charlotte Pingress: This is going to sound dumb, but, it really works. Whenever you can, throw the word sexy - into a conversation. Its a kind of a signal. Like, um, there's something really sexy about strobe lights. Or, eh, this fabric is so sexy.
