Johnny English (2003)

Bough: Shall we call for back-up sir?
Johnny English: What? And watch some fat-bottomed bobby make our arrest for us? I don't think so.

Johnny English: [in Japanese] May all your daughters be born with three bottoms.

Dieter Klein: You have no idea what's going on here, do you? It'd be funny if it wasn't so plublehblehbleh.
Johnny English: What?
Dieter Klein: [gibberish]
Bough: He's talking gibberish, sir.
Johnny English: Yes, I can hear that, Bough.
[Dieter Klein collapses].
Bough: He's collapsed onto me, sir.
Johnny English: Yes, I can see that, Bough.

Bough: Did you just land on the wrong building?
Johnny English: I did a precautionary sweep of the immediate environment.
Bough: Right.
Johnny English: And everything was fine.

Funeral Officer: Everything in order, English?
Johnny English: I think you'll find it's rather more than just "in order", sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England. [Explosion.]

Johnny English: Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words "Jesus is coming, look busy"?
Archbishop of Canterbury: Are you insane?
Johnny English: Well, let's find out, shall we?

Bough: So what you're saying, sir, is... there must've been two of them?
Johnny English: Two at least, Bough. Possibly four.
Bough: I wonder why I didn't see them.
Johnny English: You mustn't dwell on your mistakes, Bough. You must learn from them, then move on.
Bough: Yes, sir. So where were you, sir?
Johnny English: Just drop it, Bough!

Johnny English: Your dependence on hardware really does amuse me, Bough. I've been dropped into the Kalahari Desert carrying nothing more than a toothbrush and a packet of sherbet lemons. And I still found my way to Bulawayo before Ramadan. So thank you Bough, but no thank you.

Johnny English: My God, what have they done to you?
Elderly Hospital Patient: They've taken some of my blood.
Johnny English: Bastards.

Bough: Are you all right, sir?
Johnny English: Yes, I landed on something quite soft.
Bough: That was me, sir.
Johnny English: Ah. Good.

Johnny English: Look pull yourself together, it's only a bit of poo.

Johnny English: A good agent doesn't need gadgets. The only gadgets I've ever needed are a sharp eye, sensitive hearing and a whole bunch of bigger brains.

Lorna Campbell: What are you going to do? Sit in this grotty flat feeling sorry for yourself, or are you going to get out there and save your country?
Johnny English: I'm going to sit in the flat.

Johnny English: All right, so I was wrong about the Archbishop's bottom.

Lorna Campbell: You obviously haven't met our host, Pascal Sauvage.
Johnny English: Oh! Thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jacked up Frenchman. In my opinion, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.