Mrs. Bhamra: What family would want a daughter-in-law who can run around kicking football all day but can't make round chapatis?
Wedding Guest: Lesbian? Her birthday's in March. I thought she was a Pisces.
Jules: Anyway being a lesbian's not that big a deal.
Paula: Oh no of course not sweetheart no. I mean I've got nothing against it. I was cheering for Martina Navratilova as much as the next person.
Paula: Don't tell me. The offside rule is when the French mustard has to be between the teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.
Paula: When are you going to realise you have a daughter, with breasts, not a son.
Jules: Mother, just because I wear trakkies and play sport does not make me a lesbian.
Jess: Why are you doing this to me, Joe? Every time I talk myself out of it, you come around and make it sound so easy.
Joe: I guess I don't want to give up on you.
Paula: Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes.
Jess: Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?
Wedding Guest (older woman): She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi.
Video Man: Eyes down. Don't smile. Indian bride never smiles. You'll ruin the bloody video.
Joe: Can't keep losing all my best players to the Yanks now can I?
Mrs. Bhamra: Your sister's getting engaged and you're sitting here watching this skinhead boy.
Jess: Mum, it's Beckham's corner.