Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness.
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can.
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?
Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.
Bud Brumder: A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed. You're not gay.
Mr. Burke: Now, when I say "Romeo and Juliet," who comes to mind?
Dana: Claire Danes?
Mr. Burke: That's right, Claire Danes. Who else?
Chad: Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mr. Burke: Right. Who else? Well, you know someone else was involved in that movie who in some ways is as famous as Leonardo Di Caprio. And his name is William Shakespeare. And some great movies have been made based on his plays: Hamlet, West Side Story, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Waterworld, Gladiator, Chocolat.
Mr. Burke: Shaun! I read your story. You used a lot of big words. Great! Good for you! It was a little long, so I didn't read the whole thing, but who cares 'cause I gave you an A.
Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?
Bud Brumder: If you do this I will eat your face.
Don.Durkett: Sean! You're my same height, that is neat.