Ray Peterson: So they keep to themselves, can you blame them? They live next door to people who break in their house, and burn IT down while they're gone for the day.
Mark Rumsfield: There go the Goddamn brownies.
Ricky Butler: Hey, Mrs. Rumsfield, no tan lines. Looks nice.
Mark Rumsfield: That kid next door's a meatball.
Ray Peterson: No, Art, see, they're gonna think that I did it. Yeah, they are.
Art Wiengartner: Why?
Ray Peterson: Well the old guy... He saw me write a note and put it underneath Walter's door SO NOW THEY'RE gonna think that I DID IT.
Art Wiengartner: ...You wrote a note?
Ray Peterson: You wanna take that out of your pocket? You wanna not steal that from Walter's house, please?
Ray Peterson: Infra-red night vision scopes? What are we going to do next, tap their phones line?
Mark Rumsfield: That can be arranged.
Hans Klopek: Sardine?
Bonnie Rumsfield: I'm trying to cut back.
Carol Peterson: Where are you going?
Ray Peterson: I can't walk anywhere without you asking me where I'm going - I'm going to Paris, France, okay? I'm going to Banff, Canada, all right? That's where I'm going.
Carol Peterson: Are you taking the dog?
Ray Peterson: Yeah, yeah, I'm taking the dog for a walk.
Art Wiengartner: Ray, do you want 'em to take your family, kidnap 'em, tear their livers out and make some kind of satanic pâté?
Mark Rumsfield: Klopek... what is that, Slavic?
Reuben: No.
Mark Rumsfield: 'Bout a nine on the tension scale, Reub.
Carol Peterson: He can't come out until he resembles the man that I married.
Art: Carol, We don't have that kind of time.
Ray Peterson: Nobody knocks off an old man in my neighborhood and gets away with it.
Ray Peterson: I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I've never seen that.
Reuben: Mind your own business! mind your OWN business.
Ray Peterson: Okay.
Mark Rumsfield: Art.
Bonnie Rumsfield: Your wife is home.
Mark Rumsfield: And your house is on fire.
Art: My wife is home?
Art Wiengartner: I'm telling you these people are Satanists. As I sit here, they are satanists. Look, look, the world is full of these kind of things - black masses, mutilations. Mutilations! The incubus, the succubus - I'm tellin' you, Walter was a human sacrifice.
Mark Rumsfield: That really burns my ass.
Bonnie Rumsfield: What?
Mark Rumsfield: That old fart. He's got the best lawn on the block. And you know why? Because he trains his dog to crap in my yard.
Art: Wait, hold it, garbies! Garbies, garbage men! Hold on a minute, wait a sec! Wait. Wait, wait, hold it. What are you doing?
Vic, Garbageman #1: Emptying garbage.
Art: Into the garbage truck? What are you, out of your mind?
Vic, Garbageman #1: The question here is garbage. Who picks up this mess?
Mr. Rumsfield: Who picks up this mess? Well you're going to pick up the mess, because you are a garbage man.
Vic, Garbageman #1: I pick up garbage from cans, not from the street.
Mark Rumsfield: I know you're in there, old man! Listen up, mister! That piece of scum barking rat of yours has just taken his last dump on my lawn! I find one more - just one - I'm gonna catch him and staple his ass shut.
Answer: It's unlikely he could have survived in real life, or if he did, he'd be far more injured and/or permanently maimed, but this is a comedy movie, and reality is often ignored.
raywest ★