Hansel: What's the dealio, yo?
Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?
Derek Zoolander: God?
Maury Ballstein: God? What the shit are you talkin' about. It's me, Maury.
Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realise "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude.
Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.
Mugatu: Todd, are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?
Todd: My mistake, Jacobim.
Derek Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner.
Larry Zoolander: Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.
Hansel: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.
Mugatu: Hansel... so hot right now... Hansel.
Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! what ARE you gonna DO.
Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more.
Maury Ballstein: I've got a prostate the size of a honeydew and a head full of bad memories.
Derek Zoolander: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?
Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now.
VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you that a moment ago.