Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.
Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realise "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
Derek Zoolander: So join now, 'cause at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than just being really, really, really good looking. Right kids?
VH1 Reporter: Derek, are you worried about Hansel?
Derek Zoolander: Uhh, not as much as I'm worried about Gretel.
Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?
Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you that a moment ago.
Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?