Lauren Goodhue: I've never missed one of your concerts. Hibbing, however, wasn't at Friday's.
Hibbing Goodhue: It was a high colonic.
Ryan Harrison: Yes, a Jewish holiday. Mazel tov.
Ryan Harrison: We can go away right now. I pack light. Everything we need is right here in my pants.
Lt. Fergus Falls: There are two things that frost my butt: It's a snow cone about that high, and the other one is Ryan Harrison.
Cass Lake: You see, I think she's my sister.
Ryan Harrison: Sister?
Cass Lake: It's like a brother, only you do each other's hair.
Ryan Harrison: Don't move. I've got a gun. Not here, but I got one.
Cass Lake: Cass Lake.
Ryan Harrison: No, Ryan Harrison. You're mixing me up with some woman.
Ryan Harrison: Sit down, Pancakes. Of all the women in all the world, you had to walk into mine.
Cass Lake: I'm sure if we just talk all night, we can work this out.
Ryan Harrison: Sure, Slappy. Let's pull out that wad of cotton and get right to the aspirin. You hired a hit man. You wanted Hibbing dead. I saw the two of you arguing. And you were sizzling like a wiener on a hibachi.
Ryan Harrison: My head is spinning like a dreidel in a sandstorm.
Lt. Fergus Falls: This looks like a trailer park after a tornado.
Ryan Harrison: Your lies are like bananas. They come in big yellow bunches.
Lt. Fergus Falls: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be held against you. One nation, indivisible, till death do us part.
Sir Robert McKintyre: Hibbing has been my good friend since our school days at Cherry Pants-upon-Buttocks.
Lauren: Ryan and I were having sex! Hot steamy, sweaty sex! My body tingled orgasm after orgasm.
Sgt. Orono: Lady, I just asked for your name.
Lauren: Oh... Mrs. Hibbing Goodhue.
Cass Lake: We're six floors up. No-one can see you.
Off-screen voice: Hey, Cass. Who's your new friend?
Ryan Harrison: These are on sale, right?
Roman: Sure, yeah. $32.50, okay? You betcha, sure.
Judge: Ryan Harrison, a jury of your peers have found you guilty of murder. On August 12th at Stillwater Federal Prison you shall have your sentence carried out. You shall be executed buffet style: lethally injected, electrocuted, and placed before a firing squad. May God have mercy on your soul, you bastard you.
Lt. Fergus Falls: This has more twists and turns than Chubby Checker in a blender.
