Jack MacReady: Move the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!
Mother with child: Howdy, Mayor.
Chase Collins: I'm going to make you my Wee-yotch.
Kevin Fischer: What's wrong?
Wendy Christensen: It's nothing. It's just that I'm going to be worrying about you every second while you're gone.
Kevin Fischer: Why would you worry about me? We don't even like each other, remember?
Big Bob: Bobby, leave Doug alone. He's a democrat. He doesn't believe in guns.
Melissa: God, his hand. What happened?
Richie: You mean The Claw?
Tye: Leprosy.
Richie: I heard chihuahua attack.
Sheriff Hoyt: Which one of you assholes burned his draft card?
Peter Evans: I am the drone.
Agnes White: I am the mother queen.
Hippy: We're going to stay here until we get the petition to save these trees.
Bert - Lumberjack Foreman: Yeah, and what is that petition made out of? Paper, you moron! Paper from trees.
Bill Robinson: We're all getting funerals - all three of us.
Helen Robinson: Bill, get your own funeral. Timmy and I are going zombie.
Stranger on the phone: What are you wearing?
Jill: Combat boots and a parka you jerk, now who is this?
Henry: You fucker.
Angus Oldfield: Actually it was a sperm sample.
Henry: You wanker.
Leslie Vernon: I don't keep pets that I can't eat.
Possessed Radio: Don't even fuck with commodities. They're just gonna get you in trouble.
Chloe: Damn it. I am trying to fuck your best friend here. Give me a little cooperation please.
Light Yagami: The law has its limits.
Shiori Kashino: Everything has limits.
Amber Williams: Zoe, did you tell anyone?
Zoe: Yeah, I wrote a song about it, but don't worry, that single's not out yet.
Ms. Barbara MacHenry: Didn't I see Clair earlier?
Kelli Presely: Isn't she upstairs writing a card to her sister?
Melissa Kitt: No, I think her sister picked her up earlier. Remember, this is the occasion for Clair and her sister and her mom to bury the hatchet and rediscover each other.
Dana Mathis: I'd like to bury the hatchet with my sister... right in her head.
