Jack MacReady: Move the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!
Mother with child: Howdy, Mayor.
Jack MacReady: I don't care if y'are a lesbo, you don't deserve this shit!
Bill Pardy: My easy-going nature is gettin' sorely fuckin' tested.
Jack MacReady: We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council's lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.
Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.
Jack MacReady: This shit is about as far from God as shit can get!
Grant Grant: I've been around a million years! You think you can fuck with me?
Bill Pardy: Yep.
Jack MacReady: He's a goddamn Martian?
Bill Pardy: Martians is from Mars, Jack.
Jack MacReady: Or it's a general term meaning "outer space fucker."
Bill: No, it isn't.
Jack MacReady: Look it up, cocksucker!
Jack MacReady: Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon and worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars. People are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb!
Bill Pardy: Jesus Christ, Jack. Let me get right on it.
Jack MacReady: Bitch is hardcore!
Kylie Strutemyer: What are we gonna do now?
Bill Pardy: I don't know. Probably turn into a couple of these fucked-up things.
Butcher: What can I do you for?
Grant Grant: Gimme a couple of your ribeyes.
Butcher: How many you need?
Grant Grant: Eight. Naw... Ten. Uhm, no, no. You know what? Gimme fourteen.
Butcher: Having a party?
Grant Grant: Yeah, something like that. It's a... Little surprise for the wife.
Wally: Like finding a needle in a fuck-stack.
Bill Pardy: Thank you for saving my ass back there.
Kylie Strutemyer: You're welcome.
Bill Pardy: Of course, when I tell that story, it's gonna be the other way around.
Starla Grant: Baby, what happened to your face?
Grant Grant: It's just a bee sting.
Jack MacReady: If I weren't about to shit in my pants right now, I'd be fuckin' fascinated.
[Bill's been badly wounded by one of the alien probes.]
Kylie Strutemyer: You have to get both of those things in you to get all womby.
Bill Pardy: That's awesome.
