Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.
Orderly: All right, turn your hearing aids up. I got great news. We're extending arts and crafts by 4 hours today.
Elderly lady: My fingers hurt.
Orderly: What's that?
Elderly lady: My fingers hurt.
Orderly: Oh, well now your back's gonna hurt, cuz you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone else's fingers hurt? Didn't think so.
Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."
Russ: Hey, Biff. One more thing. After we beat you, the Warriors die and the Ducks fly.
Mitchell Kane: Are you happy with your deal with Sultan?
Johnny Winsor: Happy? I'd sooner be turked by a syphilitic bear.
Mitchell Kane: T-turked? Turked? What is turked?
Johnny Winsor: Rectally relieved.
Marcee Tidwell: I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant here.
Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.
Edwina "Eddie" Franklin: (to a referee while honorary coach) Hey, you with the $1.99 rug on your head! Would you get out of my way, please?