Shannon Christie: No! Joseph, please come back. Joseph, no! Don't leave me alone. Please. I loved you. I loved you from the first time I saw you.
Joseph Donnelly: I've often wondered about that.
Usherette: Five and six.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Eleven. Now it's your turn: twenty-five and sixty-seven.
Moseby: What kind of work are you in, Bernie?
Ralph: I'm retired.
Moseby: Oh? From what?
Ralph: From all the big hairy bullshit.
Sidney Deane: Can anybody step in for this guy? Anybody? For Mr. Motherfucking March of Dimes?
Pathologist: Some nights there's so much farting and belching in here, it's like being in a ballpark.
Peter Sanderson: Eventually revenge is carefully arranged.
Gabe: Change equals death.
Judy: What kind of bullshit? That's just a bullshit line! Maybe you fool your twenty-year-old students into thinking that's some kind of a, an insight or something, but it means nothing! Change is what life is made of! Change - if you don't change, you don't grow, you just shrivel up.
Gabe: That's a picture of my mum. Isn't she beautiful? Everyone says I look like her. I'm not saying I'm good looking, I'm not saying that, but we do look alike. She's dead now. Was a car accident. She had her head chopped off. I think it's good to be able to talk about these things without cracking up, you know. Besides I know she's still with me somehow. I think that when I have kids, she will be one of them, sort of reincarnated.
Detective Susan Avery: So you're saying if you drove a shitty car, you would park in the parking lot.
Griffin Mill: No, I'm saying if I were driving a shitty car, I would be a dead man.
Prince Geoffrey: You're not speaking. You notice Diane isn't speaking?
Captain Soames: What?
Sheriff Ira: Cold Draft.
Captain Soames: Could you use one right now?
Montoya Santana: Whatever I did to you or to mama... to make you hate me, I'm sorry.
Pedro Santana: Your mother was a beautiful woman. She made me feel proud. She was 19 years old. Raped... by sailors. After it happened, we never talked about it. Then we got married and we tried to forget. When you were born, I tried to love you. But every time I looked at you, I wondered who your real father was. I wondered which sailor's blood you carried inside of you.
Veronica: All right look. Do you have a family, a friend? Is there a Misses Fourty-Four waiting for you some place?
Researcher: Is this room getting smaller or am I bloating?
Asian Researcher: What.
Leslie Zevo: Oh look, we're being attacked by a crossword puzzle.
Lane Bodine: I've never met anyone like you... you're honest, even when you lie.
Zuzu Bailey: Look, Daddy! Every time you hear a bell, a zombie takes a soul to hell.
Jack Singer: I dreamt about my mother again last night.
Betsy: Was she vacuuming naked?
Jack Singer: No. She opened her eyes and I said, 'Mom, I'm gonna marry that girl, ' and she smiled.
Betsy: Really?
Jack Singer: Yeah. Of course she was naked.
Jack Kelson: Keep my name outta your mouth.