Computer: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds. Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six.
President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?
Computer: Just kidding.
Dynamo: Thought it was pretty funny out there in the zone. What's the matter now, bitch? Why aren't you laughing?
Amber: Because there's nothing funny about a dickless moron with a battery up his ass.
Hitchhiker: Thanks for the ride, lady.
Jack Putter: We've got the chip.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: We're on the way to the lab.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All right.
Jack Putter: But I think they put someone in there with you.
Lt. Tuck Pendleton: All... what?
Lex Luthor: Lenny, I've always considered you the Dutch Elm disease in my family tree.
Pamela: It's old and depressing.
Mason: It's reality.
Pamela: This is the '80s! Nobody likes reality any more.
Tom Beck: What the hell is that?
Sanchez: A flame-thrower man, can you believe it? Patrol picked this up off some homeboy on the street.
Brian: What happened? You talk numbers, you get romantic. You talk people, you clam up.
Catherine: Just a little miscue, that's all.
Selma: Murray, what are you doing on the weather?
Jimmy Garrett: A human pilot would react differently, because a human pilot would know that he's going to die.
Foul Phil - Suit: My tummy hurts.
Greaser Greg - Suit: What did you eat?
Foul Phil - Suit: Everything.
Greaser Greg - Suit: That makes sense.
Dr. Steele: When I stack 'em, they stay stacked.
George Jetson: That's grass. I read about it in ancient history.
Teri Marshall: Please don't hurt her.