Andy: So, what the fuck are you doing now?
Billy Chapman: You know, you shouldn't talk like that.
Andy: Oh? Well pardon me, Ann Landers.
Zeno: I hope no-one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.
Jason Carter: Pa, there is something you could do.
John Carter: Name it.
Jason Carter: Well, I'd sure like it if you and Ma could make a younger child. Then it wouldn't be so bad if I have someone to pick on.
John Carter: Well Son, I'm gonna have to talk to your Ma about that.
Ninfa, Whore at Marguerita's: I am the best French kisser in Chile Verde.
Abel Wood: If I come across a Frenchman, I'll be sure to let him know.
Principal Underwood: Go fuck an iceberg.
Radio announcer: President Ford, in his foreign policy speech, hardly referred to Cambodia... except to say that, as of now, it may be too late.
Strip-Bar Exhorter: And remember, gentlemen, we're always here, two to two, A.M. to P.M., three hundred and sixty-four days and Christmas, God willing and the creek don't rise.
Alex Rogan: Hold it! There's no fleet? No Starfighters, no plan? One ship, you, me, and that's it?
Grig: Exactly! Xur thinks you're still on Earth. Classic military strategy, surprise attack.
Alex Rogan: It'll be a slaughter.
Grig: That's the spirit.
Alex Rogan: No, my slaughter! One ship against the whole Armada?
Grig: Yes, one Gunstar against the Armada. I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds.
J. Frank Parnell: You don't even know what's in your own trunk! And you know what? I think you're afraid to find out.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: My music... they started without me.
Stan Gable: Times are changing, Betty. These nerds are a threat to our way of life.
Betty Childs: If they win the Homecoming Carnival, they'll be able to take over the Greek Council.
Stan Gable: Yeah. And we'll be up to our asses in nerd shit.
Police Chief Aiello: I'm the chief of police, not the chief of the people.
Victor Frankenstein: People are weird.
Samantha Belmont: So did you make it with him last night?
Regina Belmont: Who?
Samantha Belmont: The Good Humor man, who do you think?
Regina Belmont: Geez, is that what's bugging you?
Samantha Belmont: That's no answer, man.
Regina Belmont: No I didn't make it with him last night. Why are you so weirded out?
Samantha Belmont: Oh right Reg, why should I be weirded out? My sister, who swiped every guy I ever had my eye on, has now swiped the last guy in the whole freaked out world.
Henry 'Hopper' Nash/Lou: Tyrone Power never said fuck 'em.
Officer O'Clancy: No way, you're wasting your time.
Cigar Face: That's where you're wrong. YOU'RE wasting our time. And now we're gonna waste you.
Squirrel Murphy: Now that's a girl I could take advantage of.
The Devil: I love to scare the hell out of people.
Tiny Tim: God bless us, everyone.