Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.
Darth Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the *suffering* that goes on in the world?
God: Ah, how can *I* permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering. You do! Free will. All the choices are yours.
Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I meant "waste" I would have written "thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words, here. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning my fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one is gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fishes, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.
[Dr. Terminus has just learned of Elliot's existence.]
Dr. Terminus: Do you think this kid Pete would sell it?
Hoagy: Money talks.
Dr. Terminus: First there's a dragon. Now he tells me money talks. Will miracles never cease?
Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent.
Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.
Connie: Are you as good in bed as you are on the dance floor?
TV Announcer: And because of a courageous little girl named Penny, the world's largest diamond, the Devil's Eye, is now at the Smithsonian Institute. But what's even more important, folks, this little orphan's dream has come true. Today, she's being adopted. And here she is with her new mother and father.
Narrator: Never before has the beauty of the sexual act been so crassly exploited.
Ben Shockley: How's our Assistant D.A. these days?
Josephson: Shit! He couldn't convict Hitler.
Sharon: All the time, I longed to see her. Finally, I came back and found that when I'm with her is the only time when I'm at peace. Why would that be? I can't understand it, it frightens me.
Father Lamont: Have you tried a psychiatrist or a priest?
Sharon: I'm talking to one now, aren't I?
Winnie the Pooh: Could you ssspare a sssmall sssmackerel?
Gopher: Say, you ought to do sssomething about that ssspeech impediment, sssonny.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Professor Little Old Man.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: "Lillolman." "Lillolman."
Robert Caulfield: You wouldn't know sincerity if it ran over you.
Judy Drinkwater: Not if you were driving it.
Gen. Douglas MacArthur: The days of the frontal attack are over. Only a mediocre commander would use it. Your good commanders do not turn in heavy losses.
Tanner Boyle: Jews, Spics, Ni**ers and a Wop that throws airballs.
Brenda Carter: We're gonna be french fries! Human french fries.
Alvy Singer: What are you depressed about?
Annie Hall: I missed my therapy, I overslept.
Alvy Singer: How can you possibly oversleep?
Annie Hall: The alarm clock.
Alvy Singer: You know what a hostile gesture that is to me?
The Boss: Counter, paul.
Captain Nolan: He loved his family... more than I loved mine.