Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.
Darth Vader: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Paula McFadden: I thought you said you were decent.
Elliot Garfield: I am decent. I also happen to be naked.
Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the *suffering* that goes on in the world?
God: Ah, how can *I* permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yeah!
God: I don't permit the suffering. You do! Free will. All the choices are yours.
Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I meant "waste" I would have written "thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words, here. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning my fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one is gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fishes, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.
[Dr. Terminus has just learned of Elliot's existence.]
Dr. Terminus: Do you think this kid Pete would sell it?
Hoagy: Money talks.
Dr. Terminus: First there's a dragon. Now he tells me money talks. Will miracles never cease?
Connie: Are you as good in bed as you are on the dance floor?
Narrator: More offensive than "Mandingo." More shocking than "Behind the Green Door." More erotic than "Deep Throat." You will cream in your jeans when you see "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble."
Brenda Carter: We're gonna be french fries! Human french fries.
TV Announcer: And because of a courageous little girl named Penny, the world's largest diamond, the Devil's Eye, is now at the Smithsonian Institute. But what's even more important, folks, this little orphan's dream has come true. Today, she's being adopted. And here she is with her new mother and father.
Captain Nolan: He loved his family... more than I loved mine.
Steve Hanson: All right. I'll give you twenty-four hours, but I AM gonna call in some outside help, because my first responsibility is to save human lives, not sea-serpents.
Ben Shockley: How's our Assistant D.A. these days?
Josephson: Shit! He couldn't convict Hitler.
David Laughlin: We didn't choose this place! We didn't choose these people! They were invited!
Claude Lacombe: They belong here more than we.
Sharon: All the time, I longed to see her. Finally, I came back and found that when I'm with her is the only time when I'm at peace. Why would that be? I can't understand it, it frightens me.
Father Lamont: Have you tried a psychiatrist or a priest?
Sharon: I'm talking to one now, aren't I?
Winnie the Pooh: Could you ssspare a sssmall sssmackerel?
Gopher: Say, you ought to do sssomething about that ssspeech impediment, sssonny.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Professor Little Old Man.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: "Lillolman." "Lillolman."
Charles Brubaker: We... are dead. We are dead.
Lt. Col Peter Willis: Shit. I was such a terrific guy.
Gen. Douglas MacArthur: The days of the frontal attack are over. Only a mediocre commander would use it. Your good commanders do not turn in heavy losses.
Tanner Boyle: Jews, Spics, Ni**ers and a Wop that throws airballs.