Elliot Garfield: What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?
Elliot Garfield: If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face.
Elliot Garfield: You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate.
Elliot Garfield: Despite the fact that you're one large pain in the arse last night was the best thing that ever happened to me, girl wise, and if you weren't behaving like such a horses rectum you would know that we could be inside touching and fondling all day long until I've got to go to rehearsal. Personally madam, I think you blew it.
Elliott Garfield: I happen to have a lease in my pocket. Are you gonna honor it or what?
Paula McFadden: I have a daughter in my bedroom. That tops the lease in your pocket.
Elliot Garfield: Oh, Goddamn 'em to hell. I hate those guys that walked out of here. I hate them. I'm the only one that's coming back, and I'm getting all the blame.
Elliot Garfield: You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw!"