Big Jule: Well, I used to be bad when I was a kid, but ever since then I've gone straight, as has been proved by my record: Thirty-three arrests and no convictions.
Arnie: How come you never came over to visit me before?
Sam Marlowe: I didn't know you had such a pretty mother, Arnie.
Arnie: You think she's pretty, you should see my slingshot.
Hawkins: After months of pleading for just this kind of action, what makes you think that anybody, anybody could make me reveal the identity of my confederate?
Jean: Because they'd put you on the rack, crack your every bone, scald you with hot oil, and remove the nails off your fingers with flaming hot pincers.
Hawkins: I'd... like to withdraw the question.
The Girl: I posed for this picture and when it was published in U.S. Camera, they got all upset... It was one of these 'artistic' pictures... it was on the beach with some driftwood. It got Honorable Mention... It was called Textures, because you could see three different kinds of texture: the driftwood, the sand and me. I got $25 dollars an hour, and it took hours and hours. You'd be surprised.
Calvin Q. Calculus: I invented the portable hole for the good of humanity. But let us all hope it will never be used for evil purposes.
Lt. J.g. Douglas A. Roberts: I looked down from our bridge and saw our captain's palm tree! Our trophy for superior achievement! The Admiral John J. Finchley award for delivering more toothpaste and toilet paper than any other Navy cargo ship in the safe area of the Pacific.