Scrooge: What's she cooking, a canary? Surely they have more food than that. Look on the fire.
Ghost of Christmas Present: Huh, where? Oh, that's your laundry.
Boy #1: What shall we call him? Should we call him Harold?
Boy #2: Uh, Bruce?
Children: No.
Girl #1: Christopher Columbus?
Children: Oh, no.
Boy #3: Oatmeal?
Children: Oatmeal?
Officer Allen: We're looking for the man with the hands.
Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on Earth, and goodwill toward men?
Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!
Melanie 'Mel' Whitfield: So, technically, you slept with Santa?
Kelli Whitfield: Well, I didn't know he was Santa at the time... but technically, I guess I did.
Melanie 'Mel' Whitfield: Well, ho, ho, ho.
Kris: If you can't learn to accept ANYTHING on faith, then you are doomed for a life dominated by doubt.
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.
C.C. Baxter: The mirror... It's broken.
Fran Kubelik: Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.
Giant Santa: I'm gonna deck your halls, bub.
Trudie: There may not be such a thing as a perfect job, a perfect life or a perfect family, but there is such a thing as a perfect moment. So I take back what I said. Doing one crazy thing probably does make you crazy, but it also can make you happy.
Narrator: "Pooh-pooh to the Whos" he was grinchily humming.
The Grinch: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming. They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two. Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry "booo-hooo."
Shaddus Peyser: What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
Charlie: You the man.
Jack: No, I'm the snowman.
Steve: This is Germany, Father. They drive on the right. National dish: sausage.
Willie: Spare some change. Think about somebody besides your fucking self.
Bailiff: OK, Lez-beans! I caught ya! Bumpin' pussies is a violation of jail rules.