Amanda Tanen: Can you believe he's asking Betty for dating advice? That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.
Daniel Meade: Maybe instead of Christmas we do other winter holidays... Kwanzaa?
Wilhelmina Slater: Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?
Wilhelmina Slater: I have flower problems, catering problems, and Bradford wants something called a Shania Twain to perform at our reception.
Daniel Meade: I'm this close to splitting a Cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking about shoes.
Christina McKinney: Oh, the sound of clinking ice cubes. It's like a Scottish lullaby.
Wilhelmina Slater: Come on, girl, I am black, you are Mexican, let's not talk around it like a couple of dull white people.
Justin Suarez: It's just like Top Model except no one's crying.
Justin Suarez: The key to sounding like you have good taste is hating everything. Just call it garish or ghoulish.
Daniel Meade: She used to like taking us to clothing museums.
Alexis Meade: Those were stores, dumbass! She just called them museums to get us out of school.
Marc St. James: I'm not going stag, hag.
Amanda Tanen: You'll have to buy your own beer, queer.
Marc St. James: You can't just ditch, bitch.
Betty Suarez: You are an attractive, intelligent, confident businesswoman.
Amanda Tanen: Hey, what's different about you? Did you get your hair cut?
Betty Suarez: I'm wearing an eye patch.
Amanda Tanen: You didn't always have that?
Betty Suarez: There is nobody here who cares about filling the inside, they only care about fixing the outside! You know what, this concealer here, this doesn't change the fact that she doesn't have a house! And this, this eyeliner isn't going to bring back the people you love! These women have lost everything, and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that.
Betty Suarez: Oh, I'm sorry Mark, I couldn't hear you over your loud shirt.
Evelyn: Ok, so you see that stripper? She used to a nun, and she's pregnant with the butcher's baby, but she doesn't know that the butcher is her second cousin.
Wilhelmina Slater: Story as old as time.