Red Dwarf
Movie Quote Quiz

Terrorform - S5-E3

[The Unspeakable One rises in front of Rimmer]
Rimmer: Boy, am I glad to see you. You must be the Unspeakable One. Just to fill you in, there's been a gigantic administrative cock-up. Some of your staff have somehow mistaken me for a virgin.
Unspeakable One: Stop your putrid whining, you dank gift of rectal public hair.
Rimmer: Sorry. Yes, I do tend to jabber on when I'm a bit nervous.

Casual Person

Terrorform - S5-E3

[Rimmer has been chained up]
Rimmer: Is this the British Embassy? Does it even look the remotest bit like the British Embassy? I want to know who you are, what I'm doing here, and I want to know now.
Hooded Guard: In accordance with the appetites of the Dark One, the vicious ruler of this domain, we, the holy legions, proffer up this sacrifice to slake the vile depraved thirsting of the Unspeakable One.
Rimmer: Well, that's cleared that up.

Casual Person

Terrorform - S5-E3

[Rimmer is being taken by a group of hooded guards on a cross]
Rimmer: Look, I don't know who you are, or what you think you're doing, but I demand my right to a phone call.
[The guards stop]
Rimmer: Yes, I thought that'd stop you. I thought the threat of legal action would have you running for cover.
[Rimmer is now being dragged by the guards]
Rimmer: Look, I'm trying to keep my temper, but you really are pushing your luck now miladdikins.

Casual Person

White Hole - S4-E4

The Talking Toaster: Given that God is infinite, and given that the Universe is infinite... Would you like a toasted tea cake?

Demons & Angels - S5-E5

Holly: Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice-recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database! Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil! Repeat, this is not a daffodil!
Rimmer: Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected.

Waiting For God - S1-E4

[Rimmer convinces Holly to show him the captains files on the crew.]
Rimmer: Give me...give me Lister's. Just the remarks.
Holly: David Lister, Technician,3rd class. Captain's remarks: "Has requested sick leave due to diarrhea on no less than 500 occasions. Left his previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years because he didn't want to get tied down to a career. Promotion prospects: zero."
Rimmer: I always liked Captain Hollister. Such a great reader of men, was Captain Hollister. A marvellous, marvellous man and a tragic loss to us all. All right, Holly, give me...give me mine.
Holly: Arnold Rimmer, Technician,2nd Class. Captain's remarks: "There's a saying amongst the officers: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer. He aches for responsibility but constantly fails the engineering exam."
Rimmer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Holly, Holly. I want *my* report. Rimmer. Two M's, E, R.
Holly: "Astoundingly zealous. Possibly mad. Probably has more teeth than brain cells. Promotion prospects: comical."
Rimmer: No no no no no, Holly. I want *Rimmer*. That's two R's, one at the front, one at the back.

Balance of Power - S1-E3

Lister: I'm going to pass the exams and become an officer.
Rimmer: Oh, come on, wise up, Lister!
Lister: You'll have to salute me, Rimmer! You'll have to call me "sir!" You'll have to give me Kochanski! And me cigarettes!
Rimmer: And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work.

White Hole - S4-E4

Rimmer: The thing about Captain Oates... The thing you have to remember about Captain Oates... Captain Oates... Captain Oates was a prat.

Nanarchy - S7-E8

Lister: What, they fixed your core program and then decided they'd be better off without you?
Holly: Yeah, it was shortly after they met me.

M-Corp - S12-E5

Other mistake: When Cat picks up the can of Leopard lager which is invisible to Lister, he shakes it, pops the cap and sprays Lister with foam. The foam is visible but the can remains invisible, and that makes no sense. If we are seeing the scene from Cat's point of view the can and foam should both be visible, and if it is from Lister's then neither should be.

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Meltdown - S4-E6

Trivia: "Meltdown" was originally planned to be the first episode of Series IV of Red Dwarf. However, the militaristic tone of this episode - and in particular Dave Lister's strident anti-war speech near The End of the episode - meant it fell foul of the BBC censors. The original planned transmission date (Feb 14 1991) coincided with the outbreak of "Operation Desert Storm" - the Gulf War...and the BBC felt that an "anti-war" episode of Red Dwarf would be inappropriate for a country at war with Iraq.

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Kryten - S2-E1

Question: When Holly is saying about how he has changed music he says that because of the 2 new notes he's made instruments would be bigger. "Triangles will have four sides. Piano keyboards the length of zebra crossings. Course, women will have to be banned from playing the cello." I don't understand the joke about the cello part. Could someone please tell me what he means?

Answer: The cello is a large four-stringed instrument, which, when it is played, stands vertically on the floor between the player's legs (assuming they are seated). If it is to grow as large as the other instuments mentioned will, it would require a rather unseemly lack of femininity to be able to encompass it with the legs.

Rooster of Doom

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