Red Dwarf

Thanks For The Memory - S2-E3

[Rimmer is drunk.]
Lister: What time is it?
Rimmer: [Crawls over to the alarm clock.] Saturday.
Lister: Is that the best you can do?
Rimmer: There are some numbers next to it but they could be anything.

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Stoke Me A Clipper - S7-E2

[Rimmer has become the new "Ace" Rimmer.]
Rimmer: Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas.

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White Hole - S4-E4

The Talking Toaster: Given that God is infinite, and given that the Universe is infinite... Would you like a toasted tea cake?

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Demons & Angels - S5-E5

Holly: Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice-recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database! Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil! Repeat, this is not a daffodil!
Rimmer: Well, thankfully, Holly's unaffected.

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Dimension Jump - S4-E5

Ace Rimmer: Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!

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Waiting For God - S1-E4

[Rimmer convinces Holly to show him the captains files on the crew.]
Rimmer: Give me...give me Lister's. Just the remarks.
Holly: David Lister, Technician,3rd class. Captain's remarks: "Has requested sick leave due to diarrhea on no less than 500 occasions. Left his previous job as a supermarket trolley attendant after ten years because he didn't want to get tied down to a career. Promotion prospects: zero."
Rimmer: I always liked Captain Hollister. Such a great reader of men, was Captain Hollister. A marvellous, marvellous man and a tragic loss to us all. All right, Holly, give me...give me mine.
Holly: Arnold Rimmer, Technician,2nd Class. Captain's remarks: "There's a saying amongst the officers: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer. He aches for responsibility but constantly fails the engineering exam."
Rimmer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Holly, Holly. I want *my* report. Rimmer. Two M's, E, R.
Holly: "Astoundingly zealous. Possibly mad. Probably has more teeth than brain cells. Promotion prospects: comical."
Rimmer: No no no no no, Holly. I want *Rimmer*. That's two R's, one at the front, one at the back.

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Balance of Power - S1-E3

Lister: I'm going to pass the exams and become an officer.
Rimmer: Oh, come on, wise up, Lister!
Lister: You'll have to salute me, Rimmer! You'll have to call me "sir!" You'll have to give me Kochanski! And me cigarettes!
Rimmer: And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work.

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White Hole - S4-E4

Rimmer: The thing about Captain Oates... The thing you have to remember about Captain Oates... Captain Oates... Captain Oates was a prat.

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Nanarchy - S7-E8

Lister: What, they fixed your core program and then decided they'd be better off without you?
Holly: Yeah, it was shortly after they met me.

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Stoke Me A Clipper - S7-E2

Lister: Get real, man. Most eunuchs have got more balls than you.

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Mistakes

Kryten tells everyone that the matter paddle transmits matter in digital form from one place to another at the speed of light - he is very clear on this point. He then locates Waxworld, which is 200,000 light years away. Okay - so when they use the matter paddle to transmit themselves to Waxworld, why doesn't it take them 200,000 years to get there?

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Trivia

The actor who plays the original Kryten, in 'Kryten', also turns up later as the voice of Talkie Toaster.

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