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Madea: I remember this dude made me so mad, I didn't even know how mad I was until I went to his funeral.
Helen: Why were you so mad at him?
Madea: Because he hit me. Yes he hit me... and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's 8 feet under.
Myrtle: 6 feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, 6 feet under.
Madea: That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat HIM down 2 more feet.
Myrtle: I found out a long time ago that God can take care of me far better than you can.
Madea: God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.
Madea: Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much.
Brenda: If I call the cops, they will be here in ten minutes.
Madea: Good. Then that give me nine to beat the hell outta you.
Joe: Mabel? What the hell wrong with you? You don't be coming.
Madea: Wake the Hell up.
Joe: You about to give me a heart attack.You too ugly to be waking somebody up in the middle of night, I told you that.You gotta ease that ugly up on people. You can't just show it to them all at once.
Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.
Madea: Sit down you black leprechaun looking like you're out of a damn box of chocolate, lucky charms.