Quotes from Tyler Perry movies and TV shows

Picasso: Confucius said, "When setting off on a path of revenge, dig two graves."
Alex Cross: That's fine with me as long as you're in one of them.

Chemist: I want my lawyer.
Alex Cross: I am your lawyer.

Madea: Do you know what I had to do when I was little to get candy?
Aunt Bam: What'd you have to do, Madea?
Madea: I had to give up candy to get candy, that's what I had to do.

Aunt Bam: Madea, what is a Ho-01K?
Madea: That's for hoes. That's for all those women that never ever could pay taxes because they got their money illegally, so you put it all to the side. It's not a 401K, it's a Ho-01K. That's what I got from back in the day when I was stripping.

Joe: Who dat is at the door?
Madea: Shutup Joe I got this.
Joe: I'm gettin' tired of all these people comin' ova here late at night, I'ma hafta put my foot down.
Madea: Kunta Kinte put his foot down and it got chopped off. Now shut the hell up and go back to sleep.

Madea: I remember this dude made me so mad, I didn't even know how mad I was until I went to his funeral.
Helen: Why were you so mad at him?
Madea: Because he hit me. Yes he hit me... and I didn't even know how mad I was until I saw him in his casket, he's 8 feet under.
Myrtle: 6 feet, that's how they bury people, Madea, 6 feet under.
Madea: That's what I'm trying to say, I thought I was over what he did to me until I saw him at the funeral, I was so mad I beat HIM down 2 more feet.

Myrtle: I found out a long time ago that God can take care of me far better than you can.
Madea: God takes too long sometimes for me, I got to get got then.

Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it?
Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it.
Madea: Rip it. Rip it.
Helen: Rip it. Rip it.
Madea: Rip it.
Helen: Rip it.
Madea: Rip it real good. Rip it.
Helen: Wait a minute. What is this going to solve?
Madea: Nothing. It's just gonna make you feel better.

Brenda: If I call the cops, they will be here in ten minutes.
Madea: Good. Then that give me nine to beat the hell outta you.

Brenda: I know Tae Kwan Do.
Madea: And I know whoop your ass.

Helen: Women love hard.
Brian: And men don't?
Helen: Not like women do.
Brian: We may not love as easy but when we love, we love hard.

Madea: Every time I try to read the Bible... and Jesus... the one with all the words in red... I open my Bible to that New Testimony and see all that red and I just give up. Jesus was talkin' way too much.

Joe: I've got Viagra.
Myrtle: Oh yeah? Well I've got mace.

Judge Ephriam: Brian, I am getting tired of seeing your aunt.
Madea: Getting tired of seeing you.

Helen: He put me out of the house.
Madea: Who house?
Helen: Our house.
Madea: Exactly, how's a man throw a woman out of her own house? No man would ever do that to me, he'd put me out half of the house, I'll go live in the other half.

Joe: Mabel? What the hell wrong with you? You don't be coming.
Madea: Wake the Hell up.
Joe: You about to give me a heart attack.You too ugly to be waking somebody up in the middle of night, I told you that.You gotta ease that ugly up on people. You can't just show it to them all at once.

Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yeah but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yeah but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.

Madea: Cora do me a favor.
Cora: What?
Madea: Put the shut, to the up. Okay? Shut to the up.

Madea: Sit down you black leprechaun looking like you're out of a damn box of chocolate, lucky charms.

Joe: We don't want it. Return to sender.
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: I remember I sent you somewere too and you came back with something. It still itching?
Joe: Yo' momma. Aw hell that's my momma too.