Quotes from Woody Harrelson movies and TV shows - page 3 of 5

Harlan DeGroat: I want my fucking money, Petty. You hear me, you fucking cunt. Give me my fucking money. I don't give a shit how you get it, give me it. You fucking cunt.
John Petty: Now, will you calm down. I'll get you the money, Harlan. I'm fixin' for a fight this week.
Harlan DeGroat: You've been saying that but you've been fuckin' jerkin' me off. Give me my fucking money, you cunt.

Larry Flynt: I oughta move somewhere, where perverts are welcome.

Larry Flynt: If you don't like Hustler magazine, don't read it.

Larry Flynt: She ain't bad. She ain't legal either.
Jimmy Flynt: Yes she is, I saw her ID.
Larry Flynt: Look, you stupid briar-hopper, my dog could get an ID... from my goat.

Larry Flynt: What is more obscene: Sex or war?

Mantke Clerk: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Larry Flynt: No.
Judge Thomas Alva Mantke: No?
Larry Flynt: Your honor, I'm an atheist. I can't very well, uh, swear to a God I don't believe exists.
Judge Thomas Alva Mantke: Mr. Flynt, you are a handful.
Larry Flynt: I know, your honor.

Larry Flynt: These are my friends - lots of money, lots of friends.

Larry Flynt: I got money, which gives me the power to shake up the system.

Larry Flynt: I think the real obscenity comes from raising our youth to believe that sex is bad and ugly and dirty, and yet it is heroic to go spill guts and blood in the most ghastly manner in the name of humanity.

Simon Leis: Mr. Flynt, can you please turn to page 77? Can you describe to the jury what is on that page, please sir?
Larry Flynt: It's a picture of Santa Claus.
Simon Leis: What is Santa Claus doing?
Larry Flynt: He's talking to Mrs. Claus, and holding in his hand what appears to be a large, erect penis.
Simon Leis: And could you read the caption underneath that cartoon, please?
Larry Flynt: "This is what I've got to ho-ho-ho about."

Larry Flynt: Eight million people buy it, and no-one reads. Gentleman... Playboy is mocking you.

Larry Flynt: Why do I have to go to jail to protect your freedom?

Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.

Dusty: Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow was already taken.

Al, Stage Manager: About that obscene song you sang last week.
Dusty: "I'll give you my moonshine if you show me your jugs?"

Lefty: Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
Dusty: No, I didn't.
Lefty: Yeah, it runs in your genes.

Lefty: What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?
Dusty: I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?
Lefty: A religious movement.

Dusty: Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?
Lefty: No. Who do they think did it?
Dusty: Well, they don't know, but they're on the look out for hardened criminals.

Dusty: Hey, uh... hey, Lefty. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Lefty: What'd he say?
Dusty: It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.