Quotes from Val Kilmer movies and TV shows - page 3 of 7

Perry: Rule number one: this business, real life, it's boring. Do you have to smoke?
Harry: You want me to put it out?
Perry: Yeah, soon as you find a large, brown clump of shrubs, just throw it in there.

Perry: Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call.
Harry: Bad.
Perry: Excuse me?
Harry: Sleep bad. Otherwise it makes it seem like the machanism that allows you to sleep...
Perry: What, fuckhead? Badly's an adverb. Who taught you grammar? Get out. Vanish.

Harry: Is she dead?
Perry: No, she's just resting her eyes for a minute. Of course she's fucking dead, her neck's broken.

Perry: Did your dad love you?
Harry: Only when I dressed up like a beer bottle, how about you?
Perry: Well, he used to beat me in Morse code, so it's possible, but he never said the words.

Dieter Von Cunth: Weak.

Dieter Von Cunth: You punch like a little girl.
MacGruber: Well, you're gonna walk around like a little girl. 'Cause after I disarm this nuke, I'm gonna cut off your dick and.
Dieter Von Cunth: Shove it in my mouth. You're like a broken record.
MacGruber: The only record I'm gonna break is the "amount of your own dick in your mouth" record.

Rameses: Come on, Moses, admit it. You've always looked up to me.
Moses: Yes, but it's not much of a view.

Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Chris Knight: You unbelievable bastard.
Professor Hathaway: Count on it.

Mitch: He lied to us.
Chris Knight: It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic.

Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no-one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?

Chris Knight: Welcome to Pacific Tech's "Smart People on Ice."

Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, " I drank what?"

Chris Knight: Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?

Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex.

Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

Chris Knight: Jerry, if you think that by threatening me you can get me to be your slave... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Professor Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.

Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.

Chris Knight: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair! And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.
Kent: Really?