Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.
Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.
Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy."
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.
Chris Knight: Look at it this way. Considering the type of people you are and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong possibility this may be the only chance you ever have in your entire lives... to have sex.
Chris Knight: Would you qualify that as a launch problem or a design problem?
Mitch: What are you doing?
Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, " I drank what?"
Bodie: Well, I guess it goes from God, to Jerry, to you... to the cleaners. Right, Kent?
Mitch: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?
Mitch: This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks.
Chris Knight: Jerry, if you think that by threatening me you can get me to be your slave... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying this because I care - there are a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market today that are just as tasty as the real thing.
Professor Hathaway: I'm not kidding, Chris.
Chris Knight: Neither am I, Jerry.
Chris Knight: Welcome to Pacific Tech's "Smart People on Ice."
Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no-one at the mutant hamster races, we only had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?
Mitch: He lied to us.
Chris Knight: It's easy to lie to you, Mitch. You trust people. I'm a cynic.
Chris Knight: You unbelievable bastard.
Professor Hathaway: Count on it.
Chris Knight: Oh, Kent, that is so unfair! And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival.
Kent: Really?
Kent: Uh, I'll catch up with you guys. I have to go to the bathroom.
Chris Knight: Okay, Kent, but I don't think that's going to help your confidence any, do you?
Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.
Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.
Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.
Chris Knight: Okay Mitch, I'm gonna make it up to you. Let's just pause, put that down. Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now, take a step back. Step forward. Back. And then we're cha-cha-ing.
Mitch: Will you stop it? I'm serious.
Chris Knight: Okay, I'm serious too.
