Quotes from Paul Rudd movies and TV shows - page 4 of 4

Lance: Hey, Alvin. If you were in a regional beauty pageant, and you were a girl, what would your special talent be?
Alvin: Triple Jump.

Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept Lira, or is it all Euros now?

Ronnie: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!
Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.
Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.
Wheeler: You *are* white.
Danny: That's true, I am white.

Danny: I bet if I suggested a game of Quidditch he'd cum in his pants.

Danny: Pick us up in 2 hours.
Ronnie: Fuck you Miss Daisy.

Gayle Sweeny: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What did you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?

Molly: Can I ask you a question: how do you sleep at night?
Joel: I usually jerk off and then sleep pretty soundly.

Joel: Give me another one, make it a double.
Bartender: You look like you had a bad day.
Joel: Heh, tell me about it.
Bartender: Well, you came in here looking like crap and you haven't said very much.
Joel: You can say that again.
Bartender: Well, you came in here looking like crap and you haven't said very much.

Pete: Snitches end up in ditches.

Sadie: I don't make fun of your stupid Mad Men.
Pete: First of all, I don't get worked up over Mad Men.
Sadie: That's because Mad Men sucks.
Pete: What Don Draper has gone through beats whatever Jack is running from on some fucking island.
Sadie: A bunch of people smoking in an office, it's stupid.

Pete: Don't talk to me about responsibilities. I have a life. I have a family. I can't afford to sit in my apartment getting high, jerking off, and then going to Tommy's Chili Burgers at three o'clock in the morning.
Ronnie: That's not even the order that happens in.

Debbie: Who goes to the bathroom for a half hour?
Pete: John Goodman.