Quotes from Melissa Rauch movies and TV shows

The Countdown Reflection - S5-E24

Sheldon: All right, my turn. Howard, Bernadette. DaQH Daj mo...DaQH...
Bernadette: Sheldon! I told you no Klingon.

Super Grover ★

The 21-Second Excitation - S4-E8

Bernadette: I really love Howard's chest hair.
Penny: Howard has a hairy chest?
Bernadette: No, just the one, but it's really long.

The Intimacy Acceleration - S8-E16

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Super Grover ★

Hope: Shut your cockhole.
Maggie: My what?
Hope: Don't worry about it.

Hope: Hey - Yo. Which one of you guys want to buy me a drink?
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs.
Hope: That's me.
Cute Guy at Bar: That's you?
Hope: Yep.
Cute Guy at Bar: You look nice.
Hope: I still, like, hardly ever get my period. So you don't gotta worry about knocking me up. You could fuck me all raw and shit.
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs Wow. So, if we buy you a drink.
Hope: Will I let you double team me? Absolutely.
Cute Guy at Bar: Could you just leave us alone?

Ben: Pretty strict diet.
Hope: That's nothing. I once ate nothing but watermelon juice for a month. I had to reteach my jaw how to chew.

Hope: Throughout history, those who are truly great, have stepped up. Just like all of you. You give me a smile or a wave. Or sometimes you break the celebrity boundary and come up to me, tell me about where you were on the day I made this country proud. There is a reason I call this town my home. 'Cause you fuckers remind me of who I am. And who I can be. I am... Coach Hope.

Stan: We're not done here. I'm setting boundaries. No more allowance.
Hope: Are you insane? Why are you insane?
Stan: Hope Annabelle, let's de-escalate, shall we?
Hope: You're cutting off my allowance and you want me to stop stealing? What kind of a sick monster are you?
Stan: Do not call me a monster.

Hope: Scale of one to 10, that was a.
Maggie: Yeah.
Hope: When you're coming off your giant, your tuck is getting sloppy and your legs are separating.

Hope: Mountain Dew, large.
Counter Boy: Diet?
Hope: Did I say diet?
Counter Boy: Sorry. Most girls order diet. Okay. That comes to $9.30.
Hope: Oh... no, it doesn't.
Tony: No, no, no. She's on the house. Don't you know who this is?
Hope: You tell him, Tony.
Tony: Check the wall, son.
Hope: Yeah. Check the wall, son.
Counter Boy: You used to be way skinnier.

Stan: Hello?
Hope: Hey, it's me. Guess who the new team coordinator is. Lance The Fucker Tucker.
Stan: Who?
Hope: The guy who popped my cherry.
Stan: Don't give him that power, honey. Remember, you're a gymnast and your hymen broke without the help of a man.
Hope: Fine. The one who was the first to fuck me. He said he's gonna take Maggie away from me 'cause the little cunt blew her routine.
Stan: No. What? Why did she blow her routine?
Hope: Because she sucks.

Lance: Thank's Maggie. I think I've seen enough.
Maggie: I think my camel toe's a little off.
Lance: Excuse me?
Hope: She's a bit of a perv.

Hope: Early bird catches the sperm.

Hope: No. Get out.
Counter Boy: What?
Hope: No-boy rule. That's it. Get the fuck out. You'll see her in six months. Absence makes the dick grow harder. Maggie, get up here. Get up here, now.
Maggie: Hope, I was just doing what you said.
Hope: You better get ready to stop acting like a loser and start acting like a champion. You better not have gotten any clit jazz on my car.