George: My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
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Quotes from Jason Alexander movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2
[Jerry and Elaine found out that the TV that they gave to Drake and his girlfriend was given to his girlfriend after they broke up.]
Jerry: We're not getting that TV back.
George: What do you mean? I mean you gave it to them, we get it back.
Elaine: The Drakette took it.
George: She can't take it. It's not hers, it's theirs. Once there's no theirs, there's no hers. It should be ours.
George Costanza: Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she'd ever seen.
Jerry Seinfeld: Interesting. She doesn't care for you. Then a stern warning. Suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.
Jerry: You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend.
George: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Jerry: The bad fiancé, bad dinner guest, bad credit risk.
George: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen. The bad tipper.
Jerry Seinfeld: Oh, my God. Look at this. It's the new J. Peterman catalog. Look.
George Costanza: "The Rogue's Wallet. It's where he kept his card, his dirty little secret. Short, devious, balding... His name was Costanza. He killed my mother."
The Switch - S6-E11
George Costanza: Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?
George Costanza: What if the pilot gets picked up and becomes a series?
Dana Foley: That would be wonderful, George. You'll be rich and successful.
George: That's exactly what I'm worried about. God would never let me be successful. He'd kill me first. He'll never let me be happy.
Dana: I thought you didn't believe in God.
George: I do for the bad things.
Dana: Do you hear what you're saying? God isn't out to get you, George. What What is that on your lip?
George: What?
Dana: It's like a discoloration. It's white.
George: [Looking at his reflection] Yes. Yes, it's white. Why is that white?
Dana: You better get that checked out.
George: "Better get that checked out"?
Dana: I would.
George: What kind of a therapist are you? I'm telling you I'm scared that something terrible is going to happen to me, right away you start looking for tumors?
Mauricio: Shallow Hal wants a gal.
Mauricio: You Had Me At "Get Lost."
Mauricio: You can't come back with a comeback after eight seconds. You got three seconds. Five, tops. It's called a quip, not a sloooowwwwp.
Mauricio: Hey Hal, come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M.A.S.H..
Mauricio: She's got cankles.
Mauricio: The point is, lately the only women he wants are ugly.
Tony Robbins: Who says they're ugly?
Mauricio: Bausch and Lomb. And very fat, some of them. It's like Hal has lowered his whole...Jesus, you've got a big noggin.
Tony Robbins: Thanks for noticing. I have a new book out, it's got a chapter on blurting. You might wanna pick it up.