Quotes from James Woods movies and TV shows

Jake Wise: Look, I was a bit of an asshole. You know, I got crazy and I popped her a few times, she came after me with a knife. Just missed my balls.
Terry Brogan: And was she going for them?
Jake Wise: Don't they all?

Jake Wise: It's a little dirty. But, not so dirty, you won't sleep nights.

Dr. Harvey Mandrake: Perfect. Fuck. Ok stay here and get... butt fucked by 12 Neanderthals. Bitch.

Gabriel Caine: Roy... what you did tonight... couldn't be done.
Honey Roy Palmer: Now you motivate me.

Gabriel Caine: He's bigger than you are. He's tougher. He's faster. He's younger thant you are. He hasn't fought 22 rounds today, but remember this... you are black.
Honey Roy Palmer: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Gabriel Caine: I don't know. I mean it's... I'm trying to inspire you. It's a Roots kinda thing. It's a motivation thing.
Honey Roy Palmer: Well, you're shit at motivation.

Gabriel Caine: Do you know the difference between a hustler and a good con-man?
Fitz: No.
Gabriel Caine: A hustler has to get out of town as quick as he can, but a good con-man - he doesn't have to leave until he wants to.

John Moss: Don't eat like me, don't sit like me, and do not smoke like me! I'm trying to quit, anyway.
Nick Lang: Me too.
John Moss: And don't quit like me, either.

Captain Brix: You got two ways to deal with this: you got the easy way, you got.
John Moss: The hard way.
Captain Brix: Right. John, do us all a favor and make the right choice.
John Moss: I always do.

John Moss: Why don't you go tie your dick in a knot?

John Moss: Not if you tied my toung to your tail-pipe and drove me eighty miles-an-hour naked across a field of broken glass. No. No.

Carl Panzram: Come on, you hoosier bastard. I could hang ten men in the time it's taking you to hang one.

Officer 'Fartface' Whitey: Okay, boys, we're even.
Young Noodles: The hell we are.
Young Max: You'll be collecting your pension before we're even.

Max: You know, I've been watching you all night, and you've been drinking like a fish. Trying to get your courage up? We're only bringing in a shipment of booze, it's got so you're even scared to do that. Maybe you just better stay home tonight, with Eve.
Noodles: Hey, Maxie, everywhere you go, I go too. Remember that.
Max: Maybe Sharkey was right. Maybe I ought to just dump you.
Noodles: You're really crazy.
Max: Never say that. Don't say it.

Ned Trent: Who gave you permission to smile? Shut up.

Ned Trent: Good. Nice sense of irony, blowing up the bomb unit. Ned, you may ask yourself, "Why is it my turn to die?" Ask God. He kills all the time. Why shouldn't I?

Alan Mann: I can't fart loud enough to express my opinion.

Alan Mann: Issues are shit we use as an excuse to run good stories. "Judge Grabs Female Attorney's Tits. "The sex discrimination "issue." "Nine-year-old Shoots Brother With Uzi." The child violence "issue." People want to read about sex organs and blood.

Alan Mann: Look, if he comes to me for your ass, I'm going to have to give it to him. Then you'll just be a hole, with no ass around it.

Alan Mann: Stop fucking Bob's wife. He doesn't like it.

Jack Crow: You ever seen a vampire?
Father Adam Guiteau: No I haven't.
Jack Crow: No? Well first of all, they're not romantic. It's not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work, and garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your estrada chocolata while he is suckin' the blood outta your neck.