Quotes from Chris Rock movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Bethany: You were martyred?
Rufus: That's one way of putting it. Another way of putting it would be to say that I was bludgeoned to death by huge fucking rocks.

Rufus: In the three years I followed His ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? Hell no. And I was in my prime. I could've been knee-deep in shepherd's daughters, not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. She had a thing for dark meat, if you follow me.

Rufus: So what do we do now?
Metatron: Well, I say we get drunk, because I'm all out of ideas.

Rufus: We were sent by Him who is called I Am!
Cardinal Glick: Cute.
Rufus: Worked for Moses.

Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.

Bishop73

Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great.

Richard Cooper: You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.

Richard Cooper: Life is about choice. We are the sum of our choices. And most of them are made for us. You can't choose when you're born. You can't choose where you are born. You can't choose your family. You can't even choose who you love. But you can choose how you love.

Richard Cooper: Before you get married you get calls like.
Brenda Cooper: I can't wait to suck your dick.
Richard Cooper: After you get married you get calls like.
Brenda Cooper: I can't wait for you come home to see these drapes.

Richard Cooper: When two people admit that they are attracted to each other, they are no longer in control. Their relationship has to play itself out. For better or for worse.

Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent. So shut the fuck up. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on Earth. If you hire Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill you!

Lee Butters: Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanastan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to their Afghan ass for three hours! I won't talk to my daddy for three hours!

Leo Getz: Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What did ya bust him for?
Lee Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp. Look at my suit, look at my tie. What do I look like, the fuckin' Crip's accountant? Look at this badge, bitch. Check out the gun.

Lee Butters: It's about time they poured in some new blood. I just don't want it coming out of me.

Marty: The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex: The penguins are psychotic.

Alex: I wanna prove to my dad that I'm a *real* lion.
Marty: As opposed to what, a *chocolate* lion?

Wesley: I'll shoot that bitch like she scratched my car.

Wesley: This stuff's nuttier than my shit after I've eaten an Almond Roca.

Wesley: I saw your TV movie. It sucked! Hasselhoff blew you off the screen.

Charlie: How'd they describe her?
Wesley: You know, blonde, thin, whatever.
Charlie: Slow down: blonde, thin, yeah. Did they say anything about style? Did they mention grace?