Lee Butters: You have the right to remain silent. So shut the fuck up. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we will provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on Earth. If you hire Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill you!
Leo Getz: They fuck you with cell phones. That's what it is. They're fuckin' you with the cell phone. They love it when you get cut off. Y'know why, huh? You know why? 'Cause when you call back, which they know you're gonna do, they charge you for that fuckin' first minute again at that high rate.
Martin Riggs: So this must have been what Uncle Benny meant by Four Fathers. Looks like Japan's version of the Marx brothers. Let's see we got Groucho, Harpo, Chico, and uh, Fucko.
Martin Riggs: He won't turn around. We'll creep up on him, nice and slow, so he won't notice.
Roger Murtaugh: Okay...
Martin Riggs: Will him not to turn.
Roger Murtaugh: Will him?
Martin Riggs: The power of positive thinking. Don't turn around... don't turn around... Come on, I need you, man!
Roger Murtaugh: Don't turn around!
Martin Riggs: Believe it! We're better than him! We're better than him!
Roger Murtaugh: Don't turn!
Martin Riggs: That's it. Don't turn...
Martin Riggs: He's turning.
Roger Murtaugh: AH, shit!
Martin Riggs: I'm not too old for this shit.
Lorna Cole: Nothing comes between a pregnant lady and a meal.
Butters: What the fuck, man? We got people gettin' killed left, right and center in this town; now we're importing victims? Hey, gangbangers wanna kill each other? No problem. You or me, one of us gets shot? Hey, occupational hazard. But just a normal guy, this fuckin' guy? What the fuck did he ever do to anybody? That ain't right.
Leo: I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away.
Butters: Oh, I smell bad, watcha trying to say?
Leo: Well, stop turning everything around. You're so damned touchy. Hey, we might even work together, me and those two work together, I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great.
Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a cereal factory, ya fucking leprechaun.
Leo: Hey, I didn't call you names, ya fuckface! Don't start now!
Lee Butters: It's about time they poured in some new blood. I just don't want it coming out of me.
Leo Getz: Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What did ya bust him for?
Lee Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp. Look at my suit, look at my tie. What do I look like, the fuckin' Crip's accountant? Look at this badge, bitch. Check out the gun.
Capt. Ed Murphy: [Handing Riggs and Murtaugh captain badges.] This is one of the most painful fuckin' experiences of my life.
Lee Butters: Somebody took my phone number and called Afghanistan. Afghanastan. I've never talked to anyone in Afghanistan, I don't know nobody in Afghanistan, and even if did know anyone, I wouldn't talk to their Afghan ass for three hours! I won't talk to my daddy for three hours!
Martin Riggs: Flied lice?
Uncle Benny: Flied lice? It's fried rice, you plick.