Quotes from Charles Grodin movies and TV shows

George Newton: This is ridiculous! It's a dog, he doesn't have preferences! You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference.

Reporter: Have you always been a dog lover?
George Newton: Um, well, maybe not. Not as much as-as now, thank you.

George Newton: You'd better think of something to name him 'cause when I come home and he's destroyed my house, I wanna know what to call him.

George Newton: Come to our house, we'll barbecue.
Brie: Barbecue? Okay, let's live dangerously.
George Newton: Our food may not be great but it's not dangerous.

Dr. Varnick: Here for his shots?
George Newton: Yes.
Dr. Varnick: Well he'll be a little groggy this evening.
George Newton: That'll be nice.

George Newton: Any kind of weirdness and Beethoven is gone.
Alice Newton: Weirdness? What should I watch for, hon? Wearin' my clothes around the house?

George Newton: Honey, I've been thinking. You been thinking?
Alice Newton: Uh-huh.
George Newton: What have you been thinking?
Alice Newton: I've been thinking, "What do you think?"

Martin Daniels: If you even look at me wrong. If you do one thing that I find weird, which is, you know, like, your middle name... See? You're doing it right now. Can you just act like a human boy for one minute here? Look at me like a person! You can't do it for more than a few seconds. Look at me like a human boy.

Martin Daniels: I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have? You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents.
Clifford: Don't send me back to my parents, they hate me.
Martin Daniels: Not as much as I do.

Martin Daniels: Don't worry about Clifford, he'll be fine if you give him a ton of sugar and a book about Hitler.

Martin Daniels: I'm going to build the bestest nuclear bomb in the whole wide world.

Sarah Davis: See Clifford, didn't I tell you everything would be all right?
Clifford: Yes you did Miss Sarah, but I don't like those men. They're liars, and everybody knows that liars eventually get caught.
Martin Daniels: Yeah that's right you little peckerhead.

Harrison Winslow: Who came up with this ridiculous concept anyway? Resolve your entire life in one bold stroke? What if I fail? And I will. I'll fail. I'm telling you. I always fail. Then my whole life will be a complete failure.
Thomas Reilly: No offense, Harrison. But you died a failure because you never tried.

Lenny Cantrow: They should have said that to us at the door... they should have warned us that there was a danger of running out of pecan pie.

Lenny Cantrow: Honey, don't put a Milky Way in somebody's mouth when they don't want it.
Lila Kolodny: Okay... you'll want it later and it will be in my tummy.

Lila Kolodny: Are you glad we waited?
Lenny Cantrow: I'm glad we waited.
Lila Kolodny: Well, we have the rest of our lives, 40, 50, 60, 100 years.

Mr. Corcoran: Not if they tied me to a horse and pulled me forty miles by my tongue.
Lenny Cantrow: I respect your frankness.

Lenny Cantrow: There's no insincerity in those potatoes. There's no deceit in the cauliflower. This is a totally honest meal.

Fred Wilson: Well, here's to the big one.

Fred Wilson: I know the day, the hour you completed your toilet training.