Quotes from Billy Crystal movies and TV shows - page 2 of 3

Dale Putley: I'm an actor. A writer at large. I produce plays, things from my soul. But it's avant-garde, very experimental.
Jack Lawrence: You mean with guinea pigs?

Dale Putley: Jack, look at this.
Jack Lawrence: It's money. I remember it from when I was single.

Nikki: Well, Scotty, you're boring. I liked you for a while, but now I can't stand looking at you. Even your voice makes me sick.
Dale Putley: That was lovely.
Jack Lawrence: Yes, Hallmark is waiting for you.

Jack Lawrence: You're a tragic hero. You're Lou Gehrig.
Dale Putley: Who?
Jack Lawrence: Lou Gehrig. Everybody knows Lou Gehrig. The baseball player. He died of Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Dale Putley: Wow, what are the odds on that?

Rose: Where do you like to stay?
Jack Lawrence: My house, but it's in Los Angeles.

Jack Lawrence: He was lying to me, but he made me feel good.
Carrie Lawrence: What do you mean he lied to you?
Jack Lawrence: Lied right to my face. Big-time lie.
Carrie Lawrence: How do you know?
Jack Lawrence: I'm a lawyer. People lie to me all the time.

Jack Lawrence: What do you do for a living?
Dale Putley: Uh, I teach English as a third language at the Jewish Community Center.

Mike Wazowski: You don't think I'm scary.
Sulley: You're not even in the same league with me.

Mike Wazowski: I've been waiting for this my whole life! I'm gonna be a scarer!

Artie Decker: I'm awkward around those kids. I don't think they like me.

Artie Decker: I'm not going!
Diane Decker: You're going!
Artie Decker: That's what I meant.

Artie Decker: OK, hop out.
Barker Simmons: I'm still buckled in.
Artie Decker: Oh, boy. This is harder than one of your grandma's bras.
Barker Simmons: It's not rocket science.

Mr. Cheng: Just Pan Asian!
Artie Decker: What's that?
Mr. Cheng: No MSG, No gluten, No sodium, just healthy food!
Artie Decker: I'm drooling already! [Others start walking away.] How do you ruin Chinese food?

Miracle Max: Get back, witch.
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore.
Miracle Max: You never had it so good.

Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?
Miracle Max: The king's stinking son fired me. Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

Momma: Who the hell are you?
Larry: I'm Owen's friend.
Momma: Owen doesn't have a friend.
Larry: That's because he's shy.
Momma: No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid.

Larry: Hate makes you impotent, Love makes you crazy. Somewhere in the middle you can survive.

Owen: Where are you going?
Larry: I'm gonna kill the bitch. You want something?
Owen: Could you get me a Chunky?

Larry: Remember, a writer writes, always.

Larry: The night was dry, but it was raining.