Dr. Ben Sobel: I am grieving. It's a process.
Quotes from Billy Crystal movies and TV shows
Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you were in prison?
Jelly: It would appear not.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, well, how'd you get out?
Jelly: I had a new trial. It turns out that the evidence in the first trial was, uh, you know, tainted.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, I see.
Jelly: Anyway, two of the witnesses decided not to testify, uh, and the third guy, well, he commited suicide.
Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh? How?
Jelly: He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge... very unfortunate.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.
Paul Vitti: Yeah, that's what I've been jerking off to for the last 850 nights in a row, a fuckin' home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!"
Dr. Ben Sobel: We don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex.
Paul Vitti: If you're quiet, you could do it without even waking your wife.
Dr. Ben Sobel: I was at a funeral.
Paul Vitti: What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor.
Dr. Ben Sobel: My father died.
Paul Vitti: So. With you it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.
Ben Sobel: My name is Ben Sobel...leone. Ben Sobelleone. I'm also known as Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnauz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once... Once as Miss Phyllis Levine.
Paul Vitti: You know me?
Ben Sobel: Yes.
Paul Vitti: No, you don't.
Ben Sobel: Okay.
Paul Vitti: You see my picture in the paper?
Ben Sobel: Yes.
Paul Vitti: No, you didn't.
Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.
Paul Vitti: If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag, I'm gonna kill you, you understand?
Ben Sobel: Well, let's define "fag", because sometimes, emotions can come up that...
Paul Vitti: I go fag, you die. Get it?
Ed Furillo: What if you don't encourage them, and they still come after you?
Mitch Robbins: It doesn't happen. See, women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Bonnie Rayburn: Good night! I'm going to bed.
Mitch Robbins: Good night! Sleep tight.
Ed Furillo: That was flirting.
Mitch Robbins: No, that was... Politeness. That was "have a pleasant and restful evening."
Ed Furillo: No, that was "I like your ass. Can I wear it as a hat?"
Mitch Robbins: Hey you know, the first time I tried to talk to you, you embarrassed me. So I teased you a little bit which maybe I shouldn't have done, so I'm sorry. And now you're sitting over there playing with your knife, trying to frighten me - which you're doing a good job. But if you're gonna kill me, get on with it; if not, shut the hell up - I'm on vacation.
Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.
Ed Furillo: Trusted us? They followed us because we yelled, 'Yah'. They're cattle.
Bonnie Rayburn: That's really wonderful. You got him to drink from the bottle.
Mitch Robbins: Yeah, thank God, 'cause my nipples were killing me.
Mitch Robbins: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
Curly: The day ain't over yet.
Mitch Robbins: If you're watching what you're recording, then it has to be on 3.
Phil Berquist: What... The TV or... Or the machine?
Mitch Robbins: The TV.
Phil Berquist: You're saying I can record something I'm not even watching?
Mitch Robbins: Yes, that's the point. You don't even need a TV to record.
Phil Berquist: How would I see it?
Mitch Robbins: Well to see it you need a TV.
Ed Furillo: Shut up! Just shut up! He doesn't get it! He'll never get it! It's been 4 hours! The cows can tape something by now! Forget about it please!
Phil Berquist: How do you do the clock?
Ed Furillo: You're dead. You are dead.
Scott: Why are you doing this?
Jack Lawrence: We're your fathers.
Dale Putley: Come on Jack.
Jack Lawrence: Whoa, where are you going?
Dale Putley: Kick some ass.
Jack Lawrence: You know what? Take my car.
Dale Putley: You're giving me your car, Jack? That's so Elvis of you.
Jack Lawrence: Not to keep. To take the airport. I'll have one of my interns pick it up in the morning.
Dale Putley: You want me driving your car?
Jack Lawrence: It's just a thing. It's a priceless, irreplaceable thing.
Scott: I stole that money.
Jack Lawrence: Okay.
Scott: From drug dealers.
Dale Putley: ARE you nuts?
Jack Lawrence: Hey calm down! Take it easy! Scott just give it back to them.
Scott: I spent it.
Jack Lawrence: You spent IT? he spent money from drug dealers.
Dale Putley: Calm down, take it easy. Scott, you can't run from these guys. They'll find you. They'll come to your house, take all your money and then beat the shit out of you. Happened to me a few times.
Dale Putley: $5,000 in cash. What is he doing with $5,000 in cash?
Jack Lawrence: He stole it.
Dale Putley: Why do you always jump to the worst possible conclusion?
Jack Lawrence: Okay, he won it in a hair-whirl contest.