Phaneron

Dick, Smoker - S1-E5

Harry: You know what they say: "The dentist who drills his own teeth has a fool for a patient." (00:18:47)

Phaneron ★

Proud Dick - S2-E13

Sally: Let's eat, Harry.
Harry: Did you just say "Let's eat Harry?"
Sally: Yeah, we're hungry, so it's time to eat, Harry. (00:19:57)

Phaneron ★

Guilty as Dick - S2-E15

Tommy: How far would you walk for a bar of chocolate?
Harry: To get a bar of chocolate, or at the request of a bar of chocolate? (00:12:30)

Phaneron ★

Romeo & Juliet & Dick - S2-E14

Dick: "Romeo and Juliet" is a Shakespearean tragedy, it has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend.

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The Dicks They Are A-Changin' - S1-E14

Mary: Did you ever drop acid?
Dick: Oh, constantly.
Mary: You did a lot of tripping?
Dick: That's how I dropped the acid. (00:04:05)

Phaneron ★

Dick the Vote - S2-E6

Dick: Why should I vote for Frank Gansmiller, Frank?
Frank Gansmiller: Good question, Dick. Because I want to take money out of the drug dealers' pockets, and give it back to the people.
Dick: Frank's right. I want some of that drug money.

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Scaredy Dick - S3-E5

Harry: You know, in a way, every day is Halloween for us.
Sally: Well, you mean because we hide behind these bodies, pretending to be something we're not?
Harry: Uh... yeah.

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Frankie Goes to Rutherford - S5-E19

Don: Come on, Sally, we're late.
Sally: Oh, gosh, OK.
Harry: Where you guys going?
Don: Uh, we're going to see the Kenny Loggins Experience. Yeah, they're a Kenny Loggins tribute band.
Tommy: Oh, they sound just like him?
Don: Well, I hope not. I hate Kenny Loggins. (00:08:00)

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Frankie Goes to Rutherford - S5-E19

Tommy: Robbing a bank, that sounds impossible. I mean you got the surveillance cameras and the security guards.
Harry: All those dirty magazines and the pressure to perform.
Sally: Harry, that's a sperm bank.
Harry: Oh God, no! (00:00:52)

Phaneron ★

Tom, Dick and Mary - S3-E10

August: Your son is impossible.
Dick: I completely agree.
August: He doesn't get that girls mature faster, and that women are just...
Dick: Blah, blah, blah. You made your point, I said I agree. Now get out! (00:01:01)

Phaneron ★

Body & Soul & Dick - S1-E8

Ms. Dubcek: I don't know what is going on up here, but I have plaster falling into my jacuzzi.
Dick: Oh, I've never heard it called that before. (00:10:58)

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Dick and the Single Girl - S2-E24

Harry: You know, I bet I could write a killer "X-Files."
Tommy: I could write one in my sleep.
Harry: I could write one hanging upside down.
Tommy: I could write one with a crayon.
Harry: I could write one if I lost both my arms and had to type with my feet.
Dick: I wanna watch one! Why don't you shut up and go write one!?
Tommy: Fine then, we will. Come on, Harry.
Harry: Yeah, come on.
Dick: Good, and when it's on TV I'll talk all through the damn thing and see how you like it! (00:01:35)

Phaneron ★

The Physics of Being Dick - S3-E21

Harry: Dick, you know what they say: "When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat the damn lemons." (00:11:39)

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Tricky Dick - S3-E3

Dick: Women.
Tommy: Women.
Don: Women.
Harry: ♪Women!
Dick: You can't live with them, and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em.
Harry: That's probably true. (00:20:00)

Phaneron ★

Proud Dick - S2-E13

Dick: Welcome to Rusty's. How may I serve you?
Customer: Um, how do you make your burgers?
Dick: Excellent question. First, a clamp comes down onto the cow's head, forcing it onto a conveyor belt, where a prod is inserted into the cow's rectum, electrocuting it.
Customer: Give me two.
Dick: Thank you, and remember, at Rusty's, E. Coli is not on the menu.
Dougie: Stop saying that! (00:10:57)

Phaneron ★

Post Nasal Dick - S1-E2

Dick: [Reading from "A Tale of Two Cities"] "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." I'm not reading 387 pages if he can't make up his mind in the first sentence. (00:02:07)

Phaneron ★

Collect Call for Dick - S4-E4

The Columbian: I hear you're looking to, uh, liquidate.
Dick: Uh huh.
The Columbian: That's good, 'cause I'm looking to acquire.
Sally: Listen here lady, we're not giving these away. We're looking for top dollar.
The Columbian: Oh, I got top dollar. I got better than top dollar.
Dick: Well then by default, wouldn't that become top dollar?

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Dick and Harry Fall Down a Hole - S5-E18

Dick: You're just sitting there happy as an idiot in Idiot Land on "Idiots Get In Free Day!"
Harry: OK, there's no such land, and I would know.

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Green-Eyed Dick - S1-E6

Jeff: It's an ancient Ukranian quilting thimble. There's some writing on the outside. I didn't have time to get it translated.
Mary: Well, you've been so busy with the book.
Dick: Oh uh, speaking of time, don't you have a meeting?
Jeff: Right. I gotta go. Bye.
Mary: I'm gonna have to find someone who can translate Ukranian.
Dick: Oh, that's not Ukranian, it's Turkish. Look, there's a diacritical mark over the "O." [Reads in Turkish.]
Mary: Well, what does it mean?
Dick: "May these always point me toward the spoils of war." This isn't a thimble, it's Turkish nipple armor.

Phaneron ★

Near Dick Experience - S4-E22

Dick: I am going to have a near-death experience if it kills me!

Phaneron ★